A wolf that was sniffing around Luxembourg for a new den has announced that due to the high prices here, he and his pack have decided to live over the border in Belgium.
“It would’ve been nice to live in Luxembourg,” the wolf said through his interpreter, a 26-year-old unshaved Belgian wolf whisperer named Loup. “Especially because that’s where we’ll be hunting.”
“But as the alpha male, I’m responsible for the well-being of the entire pack, and that includes our finances,” he continued. “It’s just too damn expensive in Luxembourg.”
The wolf went on to describe his weeks of house-hunting in the Grand Duchy, during which he was shown one overpriced plot of land after another.
“One agent promised he had the perfect home for a pack like ours, all the way up in Hobscheid,” he said. “I spent the whole day sneaking through fields to get there, but it turned out to be nothing more than a small cluster of planted saplings near a busy motorway.”
“The den was, like, three square metres, and it didn’t even come with bedding,” he continued. “My mate and I have 12 offspring, including four pups. How could we live in such a small place?”
For the same amount of money, says the wolf, he found a nice plot in Belgium in an actual forest, and it includes a 24-square-metre den big enough for the whole pack. Best of all, says the wolf, is that their new home is next to a sheep farm, so sometimes he’ll be able to work from home.
“I know wolves who live in Luxembourg and talk about how great it is to be close to everything,” he says. “And yet these are the same wolves who end up sharing a tiny den with hedgehogs, moles, and other weird, stinky animals.”