LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — A seemingly unremarkable junior accountant is actually an alpha male from the future who travelled back to 2017 to save humanity, as evidenced by his choice of a high-tech personal transportation device. “I was selected out of a group of 1000 elite soldiers to be sent back in time to examine the internal […]
Clumsy oaf stops at two kisses
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — A veritable walking mess of poor manners has struck again, this time delivering only two kisses when, as everyone in Luxembourg knows, he should have given three. The incident occurred on Friday as the oaf was shopping for predictably oafish shoes on the city center’s Grand Rue. He looked up to see a […]
Modern-day slavery: gas station clerks forced to offer discounted chocolate items to every customer
Authorities in the Grand Duchy are investigating several cases of slavery after dozens of residents reported that gas station cashiers appear to be forced to offer promotional chocolate items to every customer. “One week it’s two-for-one Kinder Bueno, and the next it’s 30 percent off a pack of king-sized Twix bars, but the routine never […]
Yes, we do hate you, confirm Luxembourg waiters
A majority of the capital city’s waitstaff do indeed hate you, according to a recent survey conducted by the agency that provides answers to residents’ nagging questions. While 13 percent of employees in the restaurant sector say they “don’t mind” you and six percent agree that you’re annoying but “better than a visit to Contrôle […]
Grand Duke finally gets own bus
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Saying it’s a “royal shame” that Luxembourg’s reigning monarch still gets around his dominion by using crowded public transport full of commuters, on Friday transportation officials finally granted Grand Duke Henri his own personal bus. The Ducal City Rider 3500 is the latest addition to the VDL fleet of more than 600 buses. […]
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