LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Officials have issued a warning about the seasonal outbreak of men wearing scarves indoors, predicting that this year’s bout will arrive as early as next week.
“Don’t be fooled by the mild early autumn weather,” said Myriam Bravini, chief fashion virologist for the Grand Duchy’s Office of Urban Apparel. “The season of men wearing scarves inside is upon us.”
Bravini says that based on preliminary observations, some men have already begun to don the item — once used to stay warm in harsh weather, but now mostly a kind of fluffy neck ornament — in offices, homes, and other comfortably heated spaces.
“The other day I saw a perfectly healthy young guy at the cinema wearing a blue and white checkered scarf, and I was like, man, are you serious?” she said. “Summer ended, like, last week. It’s still hot outside.”
And unlike in previous years, when scarves were only worn indoors by fashionistas, artists, dandies, and fellows named Jean-Luc who put on too much cologne and insist on using the informal French ‘tu’ with people they’ve just met, this year men all around the Grand Duchy could be affected, say officials.
“One of the greatest weapons to fight the outbreak is prevention,” Bravini said. “If a man says ‘brrr, it’s a bit chilly in here,’ remind him to button up his sweater and he’ll be fine. Don’t let him enter into a dangerous thought pattern in which scarves are the answer.”
“All it takes is one man in an Aran wool scarf to infect an entire company or even a sports bar,” she continued. “Before you know it, all the men around him are thinking: well, doesn’t he look nice?”
Bravini suggests that if you’re a man and you spend half the day readjusting your scarf and being careful so its little tassels don’t dangle in your coffee, you need to act immediately.
“Give your scarf to someone who actually needs it, like a ski instructor, a Siberian miner, or maybe a refrigerator repairman,” she offers.
Despite Bravini’s warnings, at least one prominent Luxembourg indoor scarf enthusiast is speaking out in defense of the practice.
“Scarves keep us alive,” said Arnaud, a 26-year-old year portfolio manager whose neck has never been seen in public. “When I was six, my uncle told me that if I took my scarf off, my head would roll off. What if he was right?”