Kids, I want to talk to you about the virus that’s going around. I know you’ve learned about it in school, and you’ve probably heard things from other children. It’s true that we can’t protect ourselves from everything, but we can prepare ourselves for the worst. The moment I learned that the coronavirus was headed […]
Archives for March 2020
Mother hits up drug dealers in search for hand sanitizer
A very flustered Luxembourg mother who visited 23 pharmacies and supermarkets in search of hand sanitizer made a last-ditch effort in the capital on Wednesday night, asking a group of drug dealers if they could hook her up. The mother, 39, cruised around the Gare’s side streets for more than an hour before she happened […]
Grand Duchy to be moved to Mediterranean
As part of a new rebranding effort to make Luxembourg more attractive, especially to people who come from warmer climates, officials have announced a plan to relocate the entire country to the Mediterranean Sea. “The rain, grey skies, temperatures always hovering around 11 degrees, it’s just a real downer,” said Thierry Schein, head of Lëtzsmile, […]
Panic as colleague goes for the cheek kiss
Chaos broke out at a small office in Bertrange on Tuesday when a French employee who had returned from a two-week vacation in Italy attempted to deliver cheek kisses to his female colleagues. “Salut,” said Yves Bourgy when he entered the office and, following a years-long custom, began the tour of kisses. Within seconds, word […]
Annual intercourse cancelled due to coronavirus
JUNGLINSTER — The yearly sexual union of a Luxembourg couple has been cancelled due to concerns about the coronavirus, according to the couple themselves. Erik and Paloma van Wijngaarden held an emergency meeting on Saturday, the day of the planned union, to discuss rescheduling the event, but given the uncertainty surrounding the virus known as […]