All around the country, people are breathing a sigh of relief as normalcy seems to slowly return. Kids are back in school and, to our great relief, the number of COVID-19 cases appears to be dropping. Despite our hard-won victories against the virus, we must not let our guard down. It’s vital that we continue […]
Breaking: someone sneezed
Fear and confusion broke out across Luxembourg on Wednesday morning after someone sneezed, according to multiple reports. The violent expulsion was first felt by Jonathan Freeland, who was relaxing at a coffee shop on Avenue de la Liberté in the capital. A preliminary investigation failed to determine which of the 15 or so people in […]
The face maskini is here
As Europeans flock to crowded beaches despite an ongoing pandemic, many women are wondering how they can stay safe without looking like a dentist about to perform a root canal. The answer, says Dudelange-based fashion designer Antoine Fabret, is to get rid of those shapeless one-piece face masks that your great-grandma wore during the time […]
‘No cases, actually, none at all,’ reports mysterious new government official
Following reports that Germany and other countries are restricting entries from Luxembourg due to a growing number of COVID-19 cases in the Grand Duchy, a mysterious new government official has announced that the number of cases of COVID-19 here is actually zero. The correction was delivered late Wednesday night at a press conference attended by […]
Virus wonders if host trying to get it drunk
A COVID-19 virus particle hanging out on a Rollingen woman’s left hand has expressed concerns that she’s trying to get it drunk. “Another round already?” the virus said after Bettina Mueller covered her hands in sanitizer for the third time in an hour on Wednesday afternoon. “Probably not a good idea, lady.” “But okay,” it […]
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