Fear and confusion broke out across Luxembourg on Wednesday morning after someone sneezed, according to multiple reports. The violent expulsion was first felt by Jonathan Freeland, who was relaxing at a coffee shop on Avenue de la Liberté in the capital. A preliminary investigation failed to determine which of the 15 or so people in […]
The face maskini is here
As Europeans flock to crowded beaches despite an ongoing pandemic, many women are wondering how they can stay safe without looking like a dentist about to perform a root canal. The answer, says Dudelange-based fashion designer Antoine Fabret, is to get rid of those shapeless one-piece face masks that your great-grandma wore during the time […]
‘No cases, actually, none at all,’ reports mysterious new government official
Following reports that Germany and other countries are restricting entries from Luxembourg due to a growing number of COVID-19 cases in the Grand Duchy, a mysterious new government official has announced that the number of cases of COVID-19 here is actually zero. The correction was delivered late Wednesday night at a press conference attended by […]
Virus wonders if host trying to get it drunk
A COVID-19 virus particle hanging out on a Rollingen woman’s left hand has expressed concerns that she’s trying to get it drunk. “Another round already?” the virus said after Bettina Mueller covered her hands in sanitizer for the third time in an hour on Wednesday afternoon. “Probably not a good idea, lady.” “But okay,” it […]
Luxembourg man develops terrible cough, immediately goes to gym
A Luxembourg City man who developed a terrible cough on Tuesday acted quickly by rushing to a packed gym. Claude Grover, who works for a local architecture firm, says that going to a warm, stuffy space with 100 people exerting themselves and gasping for air is just the thing to treat whatever he’s got. “Germs […]
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