Luxembourg Wurst

Knock A Shining Dog

Woman can’t wait to go on vacation and spend a little time catching up on work emails

LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Saying that nothing will be more relaxing than sorting out and prioritizing the 12,403 emails that have filled her inbox during the last couple months, a Luxembourg department head is looking forward to spending her upcoming vacation sitting on a quiet beach with her family and staring at her tablet all day. “The […]

New colleague repeatedly violates sacred toilet code

CLOCHE D’OR — A recently hired junior at a Luxembourg company has repeatedly violated the sacred code of shared workplace toilets, causing widespread discomfort and anger, according to sources. The code, which has been on the books since at least 1957, was created to ensure that workers enjoy the maximum sense of anonymity in shared […]

Gëlle Fra melts

LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — With temperatures across the Grand Duchy soaring to unprecedented highs, Luxembourg’s most iconic figure has melted, according to observers. Gëlle Fra, who usually stands proudly over Place de la Constitution, was observed slouching yesterday morning, and by the afternoon her face had drooped so much that she was scarcely recognizable. Many residents say […]

Place d’Armes orchestra ‘amazing,’ say toddlers dancing in front of stage

LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — A municipal orchestra that played in Place d’Armes last weekend was “amazing,” according to a group of toddlers whose parents allowed them to dance in front of the stage. “This is the best show I’ve seen since Maman took me to see [French children’s singer] Chantal [Goya],” said two-year-old Luc Barraud, who for […]

Juncker video confirms rumors that Earth is spinning wildly out of control

For years, conspiracy theorists have claimed that our planet’s rotational speed has been rapidly increasing, and yet while most people scoffed at the idea, new evidence suggests the conspiracy theorists might be right. Oh Wednesday, video footage was released of former Luxembourgish politician and current European Commission president Jean-Claude Juncker at a meeting with world […]