Confirming suspicions that you are linguistically challenged, a team of researchers from the University of Wiltz have determined that a dog from the middle of the country has a much greater fluency in languages than you.
“Despite her pea-sized brain, a memory reinforced only by dog biscuits, and a tendency to lose interest after 30 seconds, this animal has a solid B1.1 comprehension of five languages,” said the report of the Yorkshire Terrier from Diekirch. “She learned Luxembourgish and Portuguese at home, German in dog school, French while playing at the park, and English from who knows where.”
“And this was while most of her attention was focused on running in circles and licking her paws,” the report continued. “And she’s only three years old.”
“As for you, well, you are quite good at one language, your mother tongue, but your listening comprehension needs improvement, and just so you know, ‘cool’ is not the only adjective,” the report added. “And yes, you’ve tried learning another language, but your level is so poor that we’d need a new system to describe it, one that goes below zero.”
The researchers freely admit that the dog is weaker in oral communication, but nevertheless she was able to offer advice.
“Human languages aren’t difficult,” said the dog in a distinctly northern English accent. “Pay attention, build your vocabulary, and remember that sometimes the verb goes before the direct object, and sometimes after.”