Among the fairly innocuous guys you find in weight rooms in Luxembourg, you will most certainly also encounter these 10 types.
Stinky von Rotten
We’ve all gone to the gym a little unfresh, but Stinky von Rotten takes it to a whole new level, refusing showers and deodorants lest they mask his natural alpha pheromones. True, women do faint in his presence, but not for the reason he believes.
Shadow Boxer
He finishes a set of tricep pushdowns, and suddenly the Shadow Boxer is jumping all over the place, watching himself in the mirror as he punches and kicks imaginary bad guys à la Mortal Kombat. It’s best to keep your distance from the Shadow Boxer unless you want an elbow in your face.
Grunter
It doesn’t matter if this guy is doing squats with 140 kilos or bicep curls with a pair of cute 4-kg dumbbells. The Grunter believes that unless everyone in the whole gym can hear him, he won’t make any gains. Either that, or he’s been constipated for a week.
Contortionist
“This one exercise works every major muscle group and gives you bulk and mega core definition,” is what the Contortionist might say if you ask him why he’s standing on his hands with a cable attached to each ankle. But there’s no need to talk to him – or warn him that he’s on the verge of breaking his neck – because the Contortionist read an article, so he knows.
Gorilla
The Gorilla is the king of any weight room. He’s been lifting since before you were born, and he uses a 20-kg bar to scratch his bulging back muscles. The problem is, he consumes so much protein, creatine, glutamine, and a dozen other -ines that his liver is also bulging.
Expert Female Handler
Among the worst of gym species, this guy always creeps over to the only woman in the weight room so he can offer her some “helpful advice” and correct her form – even when he finds out that she’s a personal trainer and three-time bodybuilding champion.
Territorialist
Is he doing lat pulldowns, bench presses, or working on the squat rack? Go anywhere near the territories to which he’s laid claim with towels, personal effects, or even his mere sweat, and he’ll bark at you.
Camper
Perhaps the most despised creature of the weight room biosphere, the Camper always takes a machine just seconds before you arrive. For every 30 seconds he uses it, he spends 10 minutes resting on it, often watching Netflix on his phone or composing chapter 19 of his 1000-page novel.
Bro
It’s not enough for a Bro to workout; he has to totally espouse his weighlifterness. He’s never alone because he lifts in packs of up to five Bros just like him. They swagger, cackle, make a big spectacle of shaking their protein drinks, and in general are the reason why people from other parts of the gym avoid the weight room. As obnoxious as a Bro is, he’s actually a native species and the weight room is his natural habitat.
Casper McLats
In another life, Casper McLats was a record-holding Arnold Schwarzenegger type: totally ripped and made of solid muscle. Unfortunately, he died and was reincarnated as a weak man who only makes it to the gym once a week. Nevertheless, the ghost of his huge lats remain, so he struts around the gym with his stick-like arms comically extended.
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Originally published by RTL Today
