In response to increasing acts of aggression and criminality in Luxembourg City’s Gare district, the VDL has announced it will install a fearsome Eye of Sauron above the train station. The Eye, composed of equal parts fire and fury, will be suspended between two giant prongs, and ideally it will keep people in the area […]
New, larger parking spots for bastards in expensive cars who always take 2 spaces anyway
Following years of trying to compel bastards in expensive cars to park correctly and in a considerate manner, VDL officials have announced they’re giving up, saying that the only solution is to give these people their own, larger spaces. “In every public parking garage or supermarket parking lot, clear white lines have been painted to […]
VDL mayor considering opening the fully functional, 26-station metro that was built in 90s
LUXEMBOURG CITY — Admitting that traffic has not improved much despite the tram, Mayor Lydie Polfer says it might be time to start using the 26-station underground rail network that was built under the city in the late 1990s. “It’s been there for ages,” she said to an aide on Monday while the two were […]
Luxembourg City parking agents undergo commando training
In response to a growing number of drivers in Luxembourg City who illegally park their cars and say to themselves, “it’s only for a minute,” all municipal parking agents will now undergo special forces training. The intensive program lasts 42 weeks and consists mainly of evasion tactics, urban survival, and guerilla ticketing operations. The goal […]
Catastrophe: Luxembourg City man loses scarf
A Luxembourg City man and member of the country’s largest scarf-appreciation club has lost his scarf, according to sources who observed him crying at work. “My scarf is my everything,” said Michael Saetang, a member of the Scarf Bros. since 2018. “Designer trousers, my beautiful silk ties, even my carefully matched shoes and belt mean […]
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