BERTRANGE — A man working from home was the victim of an unusual crime on Thursday when masked intruders entered the apartment and forced him to eat all of his kids’ Christmas chocolate, including every last item in their Advent calendars. After returning from school, the man’s horrified children, aged seven and nine, launched an […]
Couple stop calling dog their ‘child’ due to 2-guest rule
Following the passage of the two-guests-maximum rule in November, a couple from Esch-sur-Alzette have finally stopped referring to their dog as their “child.” For years, Susana Carvalhosa and António Ferreira, both 32, claimed that Mimi was their human offspring, which at first garnered some “oohs” and “awws” but quickly began to annoy everybody. However, a […]
Smart: these parents alternate their mental breakdown days
DIEKIRCH — A couple who struggled to balance working at home, taking care of the household, and totally losing their shit have found a solution: alternating their mental breakdown days. The parents of three children aged six, nine, and 11 say that at the start of the lockdown in mid-March, they began slipping into bouts […]
‘Stop claiming you’re teaching,’ say actual teachers
Parents in Luxembourg who complain-brag about having to become full-time teachers are being reminded that putting your child in front of a tablet for three hours every morning doesn’t count as teaching, nor does it count as doing something full-time. “Having your kid binge-watch educational videos doesn’t mean you’re a teacher now,” say teachers. “It […]
‘One month equals 46,080 minutes,’ demonic child informs mother
A child from Beggen who is clearly driven by evil and a desire to inflict pain on innocent people casually informed his mother on Wednesday evening that one month equals 46,080 minutes. The vile calculation came just moments after Betina Moltze, 36, told her son Viktor that the Ministry of Education had announced that schools […]
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