All around the country, people are breathing a sigh of relief as normalcy seems to slowly return. Kids are back in school and, to our great relief, the number of COVID-19 cases appears to be dropping. Despite our hard-won victories against the virus, we must not let our guard down. It’s vital that we continue […]
Social distancing is easy, confirm Luxembourg City residents
Pointing to the long-established tradition in Luxembourg City of avoiding unnecessary contact with people and maintaining physical distance, residents have confirmed that social distancing is actually the easiest thing in the world to do. “I’ve been doing the whole social distancing thing for as long as I can remember,” says Rollingergrund resident Giselle Quinn, 61. […]
Getting a bit drunk at work in morning okay if ‘for a birthday’
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — In response to concerns from newcomers about colleagues offering them alcohol at work in the morning, integration officials have confirmed that it’s fine to get a good buzz at the start of the day as long as it’s “for someone’s birthday.” “If you’re new here, it might seem absurd to be called to […]
Car salesman still doesn’t give a shit
Despite the enormous buzz surrounding the yearly Autofestival and the flood of prospective clients coming through dealership doors this week, a local car salesman has confirmed that he still doesn’t give a shit. Marco Donlingi explains that when a potential customer walks in, he usually waits between seven to 13 minutes before reacting. During that […]
Boxemännchen disappearance: head recovered
CAPELLEN — Detectives from the food crimes unit of the Grand Ducal Police have announced the discovery of the head of a Boxemännchen that went missing from a shared office more than two weeks ago. The three-hour-old pastry was purchased at a local bakery in the early hours of December 20, with the buyer intending […]
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