STRASSEN — Proving again that Luxembourg is no longer the bastion of safety and order it once was, a man attacked two strangers on Sunday by attempting to talk to them in a supermarket elevator. “It’s busy today, huh?” said the attacker to two other shoppers as the elevator slowly descended. The female shopper nervously […]
Luxembourg woman caught buying 350 ml of hair conditioner
A Luxembourg resident was caught red-handed on Monday after she bought 350 milliliters of hair conditioner from a supermarket in Bertrange. Police spokesperson Marco Trausch says the culprit sneaked into an aisle that is blocked off due to the government’s ban on the sale of non-essential goods, which includes everything from shampoo to underwear and […]
How to survive Ikea being closed
With the Ikea near Arlon still closed, many Luxembourg residents have been forced to delay their furnishing and redecorating projects, causing them to suffer from sadness and anxiety. “Most of us aren’t equipped to handle a long wait for ready-to-assemble furniture and stylish, cheap accessories,” said Dr. M. Alphonse, a psychiatrist in Luxembourg City. “We […]
New red light districts for fuel and cigarette tourism
Fed up with people who only come to Luxembourg to satisfy the base desire to save a few euros on certain items, officials have decided to build red light districts in border areas for fuel, cigarette, and alcohol tourism. Residents say they are relieved they will no longer have to share precious space in petrol […]
How to give your woman an orgasm by telling her Auchan still has green tea hand sanitizer in stock
Does your woman love green tea hand sanitizer but fears she won’t be able to get any now that shoppers have begun hoarding again? Give her an amazing orgasm by telling her that Auchan still has some in stock. Don’t rush When it comes to getting her aroused about her favorite antibacterial goo that kills […]
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