Verifiers from the University of Wiltz have confirmed that all 343,104,002 Americans appear in the so-called Epstein files, after having examined a recent release of millions of pages of documents related to the deceased financier and convicted sex offender. Working day and night in teams of several dozen, the verifiers from the university’s Office of […]
Delinquents flee in horror after pricey boutique opens in Gare
Following years of insistence by promoters that upscale properties would one day magically transform Luxembourg City’s Gare district, the opening of a pricey boutique has indeed tipped the scales and caused the area’s troublemakers to flee in horror. At precisely 9:59 a.m. on Monday, a business called Chic&Vine that is a cross between a wine […]
A good guy: contractor knocks off 25% of expat exploitation fee
In a show of extreme generosity, a company that was contacted to do some minor roofing work has agreed to knock 25 percent off the standard expat exploitation fee. Damien Fils, co-owner of Fils & Fils, spent around 30 seconds examining a leaky skylight from a distance of six meters, all while texting his wife, […]
Why the police in Luxembourg provide few details about violent crimes
Why the police in Luxembourg provide few details about violent crimes It is often the case that when a violent crime occurs in Luxembourg, the police release little information, leaving you curious, fearful, and possibly titillated. Many residents want to know the official reasons for this withholding of details. We asked around, and here’s what […]
Woman fails to send personalized Happy New Year greeting to all 248 of her friends, family members, and professional contacts
While most people know how to maintain relationships with the most effortless of token gestures, others are walking catastrophes of manners who should probably move to Siberia and find a dark cave to live in. Such is the case with a Luxembourg woman who, two weeks into the new year, still has not managed to […]
The hard times our grandparents warned us about: cleaning lady off sick
What seemed to have been wildly exaggerated stories of a bygone era — tales of hardship, suffering, and deprivation — were actually warnings that went largely ignored by a local man, he admits. Simon Till says he now faces an impossible situation, one he believed only happened to other people in faraway lands hundreds of […]
Embarrassing: they’ve lived in the neighborhood for 9 months and haven’t even been robbed
A Luxembourg City couple say they have been left feeling alarmed and deeply ashamed following revelations that they are the only ones in their Beggen neighborhood whose home has not been burgled. “All our neighbors’ homes have been broken into at least once, and even the family in the apartment across the street, which to […]
International family visited by freakish Christmas figure the parents themselves created
A foreign couple who fused various Christmas figures for the sake of their three confused children have been visited by the grotesque character they imagined, according to various accounts. Tavren and Elira Sarunai relocated to Luxembourg in March. Prior to that, they had never been to Europe or the Americas, and they had derived most […]
The plastic deposit token is what stands between us and anarchy
Moien, bonjour, and hello. How was your Glühwein, your vin chaud? How do you call it in English? Hot wine? No. Mulled wine, yes, that’s it. Did you enjoy it? You would like to get your deposit back? Wonderful. I will take the mug, but please also give me the – how do you say […]
New unprofessional networking site for those who just don’t care
To cater to the majority of professionals who only work to earn a living, have no real interest in their field, and ended up on their career path by happenstance or bad luck, a new professional networking site has been created. “Whereas LinkedIn is for those who are eager to share their accomplishments and ideas […]
Their school banned phones, so they now spend the day swiping their palms and sending Snaps in their minds
In an act of peaceful protest that’s being compared to Nelson Mandela secretly writing his autobiography while in prison, hundreds of lycée students from Luxembourg City have vowed to continue using smartphones all day long “in their hearts and minds” despite a school-wide ban. The lycée, located in the Limpertsberg district, recently implemented a policy […]
Taking responsibility: after this teen and his friends smashed the fuck out of a Vel’oh, they left it where VDL workers might find and repair it
While many adults disparage today’s youth for being self-centered and useless, one Luxembourg City teen has shown there’s still hope for the future. Giorgios Taliotou, aged 16, was having a typical Friday evening with his two friends when they decided it would be cool to forcibly remove a Vel’oh from its station and ride it […]