A property developer based in Luxembourg City has admitted to a strange but increasingly common disorder: whenever he looks at a house, it appears to him as a six-unit apartment building. “Let’s say we’re walking down the street and you see a single-family residence worth, oh, 1.5 to two million euros,” he explained to a […]
Freakish human computer verifies prices at checkout
A Luxembourg shopper has been dubbed a “freak” and a “human computer” after being observed on Tuesday verifying the price of his purchases at a supermarket checkout. Even as stunned witnesses gasped, Carlos Marques, a customer at a Foetz supermarket, tried to justify his unusual behavior. “I thought everybody kept one eye on the cash […]
Bar owner also surprised anyone willing to pay 20 euros for a cocktail
The owner of a trendy bar in Luxembourg City has responded to an unprecedented complaint about the price of cocktails with, “Yeah, it’s ridiculous, isn’t it?” Damien Bouze says that when he opened his bar three years ago, he had planned on charging fifteen euros for a cocktail, which he thought was already a lot. […]
Incredible: wealthy expat discovers evidence of working class
An affluent woman from Mamer is being lauded this week for having discovered a formerly unknown group of humans in Luxembourg which she has named “a body-using, hand-working underclass.” “I woke up early and observed some men stealing my bins,” says Val Haark, a stay-at-home mother who in her spare time blogs about designer children’s […]
Grand Ducky of Luxembourg discovered
Calling it “a discovery that fundamentally transforms our understanding of how toy animals form adorable little monarchies,” biologists have uncovered the existence of a Grand Ducky. The bright yellow ducky was first spotted in the Alzette River in Luxembourg City by a group of teenagers who were out for a night in Clausen. Unwilling to […]
Babies conceived in Luxembourg may now get Made in Luxembourg tattoo
As part of the commitment to support local production and reproduction, the Chamber of Commerce has announced that any child made in Luxembourg will now be eligible for a Made in Luxembourg tattoo. The tattoo, made from non-toxic black ink, will only be given to babies whose parents can provide substantial evidence that the child […]
Tram converted into submarine
Following heavy rains that left many parts of Luxembourg under water, VDL officials have confirmed that the tram can also function as a submarine. “Some people laughed when we went over budget because we insisted on doors that can keep water out as deep as 10 meters below the water,” said VDL spokesperson Mo Biliteit. […]
New, larger parking spots for bastards in expensive cars who always take 2 spaces anyway
Following years of trying to compel bastards in expensive cars to park correctly and in a considerate manner, VDL officials have announced they’re giving up, saying that the only solution is to give these people their own, larger spaces. “In every public parking garage or supermarket parking lot, clear white lines have been painted to […]