A woman who moved to Luxembourg last year has quit her job to devote more time to her passion, which is trolling an expats Facebook page with the most ridiculous and weirdly specific questions she can imagine. Her initial contact with the group was last January, when she jokingly asked how many unicyclist associations there […]
Rich and influential country can’t even pull a few strings to get vaccine faster
A wealthy, influential country whose capital is one of the three seats of power in the European Union is unable to pull a few strings to get its residents vaccinated faster, it has been revealed. “We’ve got all this money here in Luxembourg,” said one resident who’s been working at home since November and now […]
Massive operation to collect, preserve snow for future
Following the recent crystallized precipitation that is being described as “too precious to lose to rising temperatures,” a massive operation has been launched to collect and preserve what remains of the snowfall. Hundreds of volunteers have already gathered several tons which they’ve packed into plastic drums and transported to refrigerated storage units. The contents will […]
Great news: gym has slot open next Thursday from 6:15 to 6:45 am
A Luxembourg man has raised his arms and sung hymns of praise after successfully booking an early morning half-hour slot at his fitness center next week. “I heard that my gym was open again, but not from them because apparently they yet haven’t yet mastered the difficult art of website and social media updates,” said […]
Polar bear spotted in Luxembourg
A member of the species Urus maritimus, which usually inhabit regions near the Arctic circle, has been observed in the countryside near Mamer. “At first I was shocked,” said Abigail Watterson, who spotted the polar bear on Friday morning while walking her Shih Tzu named Mimi. “But considering the massive and totally unprecedented storm that […]
Dudelange hipster making own vaccine
Describing corporate vaccines as “a dull assemblage of mass-tested mRNA that show no imagination or nuance,” a hipster from Dudelange has announced he is making his own vaccine. “Big Pharma vaccines are all the same,” said Michel Paracetti, who in the past experimented with brewing his own beer, designing t-shirts with ironic messages, and raising […]
British variants in Luxembourg already seeking nationality
Several individual variants of the so-called UK coronavirus strain that have been identified in Luxembourg in recent days have already taken steps to obtain Luxembourgish nationality, according to the viruses themselves. All of the mutated viruses have already signed up for online Luxembourgish courses, and they’ve also begun seeking advice and tips in expat forums. […]
It couldn’t wait till Monday: fairy godmother appears and fixes Luxembourg woman’s grey roots
A Luxembourg woman who fell into a pit of despair after closely examining her grey roots was miraculously saved when her fairy godmother appeared with a hair dye kit. The woman, a 29-year-old resident of Ettelbruck, has been carefully counting the days until hair salons are allowed to reopen next week. However, she had an […]