A Luxembourg City woman who neither has to work nor do housework has been struck by the terrible realization that life is nothing more than a series of meaningless visits to cute little new cafes. The 35-year-old, who has lived in the country since her husband took over as head of an asset management firm […]
Two years of hand sanitizer and it still tastes like crap
I’ll never forget when we first started hearing about the coronavirus back in early 2020, and we were advised to wear masks, avoid other people, and use hand sanitizer as much as we could. As for masking and social distancing, that’s been easy. It’s nice not having to shave or brush my teeth, and as […]
Teen bullied for not having had Covid
A Luxembourg City teenager who is the only one in his class to have never been infected by Covid-19 is being ridiculed for it, it has been revealed. Witnesses say that lycée student Pol Tanneur, 15, is targeted several times per day, with other students mocking him for his inexperience. “I have Covid, like, four […]
Entire restaurant forced to watch as customer removes mucus-covered swab from nose
Customers and employees of a Luxembourg City restaurant had no choice but to watch in disgust on Thursday as a customer taking a Covid rapid test removed the mucus-covered swab from his nose. “How am I supposed to finish my pasta now?” said one diner who, in the middle of chewing, spat out strands of […]
New sci-fi movie about world in which you can shop without wearing a mask and go to McDonald’s without disclosing what’s in your blood
A locally produced science-fiction movie that depicts a “vividly imagined but dangerous and obviously unrealistic world” has been released. “One Day” follows a young Luxembourg man named Rob who takes a Friday off from work and spends the morning shopping with his girlfriend, visiting a library, and taking a bus around the capital – all […]
Freelancer spends entire day trying to show, scan own CovidCheck
A Luxembourg freelancer who works from home has lost eight hours of productivity trying to scan his own digital CovidCheck certificate, it has been revealed. “I downloaded the CovidCheck application as well as a digital certificate showing I’ve been vaccinated twice and that I’ve received a booster shot,” said Geronimo Torres. “Before allowing myself to […]
Company holds meeting to choose best dull ‘Happy Year Year’ image for social media
Members of a communications department have held a meeting to decide which totally uninspired Happy New Year image they will share on the company social media accounts. “It’s been a tough year, for our shareholders, customers, and the other people who for some weird reason follow us on social media,” said communications manager Isadora Hendrez. […]
How to save money by telling your kids Santa failed CovidCheck
While it feels good to give your children expensive gifts that will become obsolete and boring in exactly 11 days, consider giving your finances a little break. Here’s how to get away with spending no money on Christmas presents for your kids while avoiding all blame. A few hours before gifts normally miraculously appear, express […]