Insisting that it’s the perfect location considering its divorce rate is the highest in the world, Luxembourg has created the first competitive divorcing league. “Only Luxembourg residents will be allowed to compete, but there will be a special division for cross-border workers,” said league president Marc Hessen. “Despite their frequent contact with the Grand Duchy, […]
Retired couple to buy entire island with money you paid them for crappy house
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE – A retired couple who sold you a house that your friends privately acknowledge is “crappy” have announced plans to buy a Mediterranean island with the money they’ve now got thanks to you. “When we bought the crappy house in the 1990s, we never imagined we could trade it for anything other than an […]
Expat wants to check with expat group before committing to brand of salt
A freshly arrived expat who visited a Bereldange supermarket on Wednesday was about to buy a container of table salt when she decided it would be best to first check with her expats Facebook group. “Hi everyone, hope you all are having a lovely day,” said Salomina Brinks, as a sensible but meek voice in […]
Government giving out 5 golden tickets to choose whichever vaccine you want
While most people in Luxembourg have to take the vaccine offered to them, a lucky five residents will get to choose the one they want. “Those who find a golden ticket hidden in an otherwise ordinary letter from the government will be able to pick the vaccine of their dreams,” said program director Gui Vonka. […]
Massive dihydrogen monoxide leak at Cattenom nuclear plant
A massive cloud of dihydrogen monoxide was observed leaking from the Cattenom nuclear power plant on Thursday morning, according to reports. Although dihydrogen monoxide is naturally occurring and can even be found in lakes and rivers, as little as a few liters can prove to be deadly. Historians believe the chemical compound caused the deaths […]
Top football clubs to form Awesome League instead
Agreeing that the idea of a Super League was terrible from the outset, the 12 football clubs involved in the plan have announced they will instead form an Awesome League. “When we first told you about our intention, the backlash was fierce and instantaneous,” said Real Madrid president Florentino Pérez. “We admit our terrible mistake, […]
Private school raises €59,000 for student whose father drives a Peugeot
As proof that a little bit of generosity goes a long way, students at a private school in Luxembourg City have raised enough money so that a classmate whose father drives a Peugeot can get something better. Thomas Dortland, 15, began attending the Global Academy last year when his family relocated to Luxembourg. Since then, […]
Report: Luxembourg must have got shagged over the weekend
A country that had been in a sour mood since November must have been massively shagged over the weekend, sources have claimed. According to colleagues, Luxembourg showed up to work on Monday morning grinning, smelling of passion, and humming the song “Walking on Sunshine.” “Hey, moien, et geet!” Luxembourg said when it threw the office […]