A Luxembourger who was approached on the street by a tourist has lied about his language skills, it has been revealed. Nicolas Goergen, 44, was waiting for a bus after work on Thursday when an unidentified woman in her mid-20s asked if he spoke English. With a calm, frank look on his face, Goergen replied […]
Police to deploy Kachkéis cannons against protestors
Saying extreme circumstances call for extreme measures, Luxembourg police have announced they are going to set up a line of kachkéis cannons as a defensive measure in Friday’s announced protest by Polish miners. “Kachkéis is a known deterrent against foreign aggressors,” said police spokesperson Marco Trausch. “Which is why every Luxembourger has at least one […]
MyGuichet becomes self-aware
In what is being compared to the “Terminator” movie franchise in which an AI network takes over the world, at 01:38:38 on Thursday, the MyGuichet platform became self-aware. The incident was first noticed by on-call IT engineer Marietta Klonehopp, who was awoken by a notification that MyGuichet was down. When she attempted to access the […]
Kinky: Luxembourg couple experiment with monogamy
While from the outside they appear to be a normal Luxembourg couple devoted to regular acts of infidelity, privately Fritz Hershman and his partner Luisa Sandoval have developed an unusual kink: being faithful. They say that the idea came to them while they were planning their weekly Thursday-evening trysts with their respective lovers. “We were […]
New 3-in-1 traffic lanes
In response to claims by motorists, cyclists, and electric scooterists that they alone have the right to use the streets, VDL officials have unveiled an easy solution: new 3-in-1 lanes. “Car drivers believe they own the roads, cyclists believe they do, and electric scooterists – well, actually they haven’t got a clue about anything and […]
Trailing spouses play-act they still have careers
Dozens of trailing spouses who interrupted their careers to relocate to Luxembourg and now find themselves jobless and frustrated have formed a make-believe job marketplace in which they still have value. The group’s main activities include interviewing each for imaginary jobs, pretending to hire one another for these non-existent positions, and play-acting that they are […]
Luxembourg turns goth for next 6 months
A new study suggests that a majority of Luxembourg residents have become goths without even realizing it and will spend the next six months espousing the goth lifestyle. Dr. Ravn Vik, a goth and professor of goth studies at the University of Wiltz, led the inquiry, asking hundreds of Luxembourg residents to complete a survey. […]
Luxembourg agrees to make English official language ‘as long as we get to choose which English it is’
Facing yet more demands that English be adopted as the fourth official language of Luxembourg, the government has decided to agree on the condition that they choose which English it is. “To the Brits, don’t think we’re going to adopt the Queen’s English just because the UK is, or was, in Europe,” the government said […]