For approximately the millionth time this year alone, a Luxembourg restaurant has served bread without a side of butter. Gizela Masla, who ate with friends at a Place d’Armes restaurant on Thursday, is just the latest victim of what many call a violation of the fundamental right to an enjoyable bread-eating experience. “Our waiter brought […]
‘Perform, dammit, and show grandma how many languages you speak,’ hisses expat parent during video chat
A frustrated expat mother has scolded her daughter for yet again refusing to demonstrate her linguistic range during a video call with the little girl’s grandmother. “And how is school going?” inquired the grandmother, aged 65, who lives in a country where people generally speak only one language. “Are you learning a lot?” The mother […]
You don’t need to buy a home when you can live in the mansion of your mind
I get it. People move here and think, I should buy a home. They look at prices and say, ouch, I’ll wait. After a few more years, they say, I really need to buy a home. By then, it’s too late, but – oh, exciting. There’s a one-bedroom flat in Wiltz for only half a […]
Everyone at business meeting still confused about greetings
Despite the feeling that life has mostly returned to normal, a group of adults at a business meeting have not been able to figure out how to greet each other. The Wednesday meeting involved five otherwise competent professionals including two board members of a bank, a law partner, a counsel, and a senior legal officer. […]
EU warns ‘we may never eradicate fist bumps’
Despite months of concerted effort from European and national agencies, the practice known as fist bumping will likely become a permanent fixture of the social fabric in Europe, the EU has warned. “Once upon a time, fist bumps were a relatively niche greeting practiced by urban youth, people with missing thumbs, and anyone suffering from […]
Government to lower housing prices by spreading rumor country has cooties
The government of Luxembourg has announced a plan to drastically reduce housing prices by spreading a rumor that the entire country has cooties. Cooties is a highly infectious and possibly imaginary disease that little boys often accuse little girls of having, claims to which girls then say, “No, you have cooties.” Officials say state employees […]
New €2.50 surcharge for blowing up cash machines
The agency that regulates Luxembourg’s banking sector has authorized a new surcharge to discourage people from igniting explosives inside the country’s thousands of cash machines. Starting next week, banks will be permitted to charge anyone who blows up a cash machine €2.50, in addition to other fees they might incur during the forcible removal of […]
I came to Luxembourg for the salary, but I’m staying for the awkward dancing
I’m not going to lie. I moved here for the salary, simple as that. I told myself I’d stay for a year or two and move back home with my newly earned savings. Then I realized that Luxembourg is a nice country, and I decided to stay for a little bit longer. Well, it’s been […]