Following an incident in which a member of the public slapped the French president, Luxembourg’s prime minister will now wear a defensive anti-slap scarf. “This baby might look like an everyday neck adornment, but trust me, it’s fitted with the latest in anti-slapping technology,” said defensive scarf salesman Gus Burlee. “Prime Minister Xavier Bettel will […]
Shoulder touch at party leads to orgy of hand shaking and cheek kissing
What started as a friendly touch on the shoulder by a guest at an outdoor gathering turned into a bacchanalian orgy of uninhibited physical contact that had not been seen since earlier, pre-Covid times. The outburst occurred at a park just south of Luxembourg City on Saturday when one last of the approximately 25 guests […]
Woman worried people will notice she’s aged 18 months in last 18 months
A Luxembourg woman who has not taken off her mask at work since the start of the pandemic early last year is now grappling with the fear that when she does remove it, her coworkers will see that she’s aged 18 months in the last 18 months. “Just look at my mouth,” said the 44-year-old […]
Meluxina crashes after technician asks, ‘How can I afford a home in Luxembourg on an average salary?’
Soon after Luxembourg’s new supercomputer Meluxina was officially inaugurated on Monday, a desperate technician took the opportunity to ask it to find a way for him to buy a home in Luxembourg even though he earns an average salary, causing the machine to crash. Meluxina, which is part of a European network of supercomputers and […]
‘We’ll improve cycling infrastructure when you stop wearing those shorts,’ VDL tells cyclists
In response to complaints from cyclists that Luxembourg City does little to make getting around on a bicycle easy, officials have promised to build the world’s best cycling infrastructure – if cyclists agree to stop wearing those ridiculous shorts. “You’ll get dedicated bikeways all around the city, protected lanes on every street, and a safety […]
Tourist survives after being stranded for 7 days in Strassen
A tourist who got stranded in Strassen during a road trip across Europe has been found alive and well and with his mind mostly intact, according to rescuers. Randall Cunicky and two friends were driving on the A6 motorway in Luxembourg last week when they experienced car trouble and took the Luxembourg City/Strassen exit. A […]
Woman stands in vaccine line for 3 days before realizing it’s massive line for Louis Vuitton store
A woman who joined what she thought was the long line for the vaccination center in Kirchberg and waited for three days has discovered it was actually the line to enter the Louis Vuitton store in the city center. “I took the tram out to Luxexpo and there were a bunch of people queuing up, […]
Luxembourg to allow people to live in underground caves as long as they call themselves ‘troglodytes’ and refer to homeowners as ‘my lord’ and ‘my lady’
Aware that the skyrocketing cost of property has caused many people in Luxembourg to reconsider staying in the country, officials have announced they will now allow low- and medium-income residents to live in underground caves. “This will allow people to continue benefiting from Luxembourg residency while avoiding what they see as extortionate housing prices,” says […]