A retired grandfather from Luxembourg City has announced that he will go to a popular supermarket in Kirchberg during the hectic weekday lunch hour, fill a cart to maximum capacity, wait until you are stuck behind him in the check-out lane, and then dispute the price of every item. “I could go in the early […]
‘Bizarre’ International typo leads to rush to make event weird
Following a typo and a subsequent misprint on the majority of its promotional material, Bazar International organizers have found themselves in a rush to make the “Bizarre” International a weird event. The misprint was discovered earlier this week when the European Society for the Strange and Eccentric (ESSE) announced that its 500 members were delighted […]
Better sit down and relax: French couple in front of you at gas station start inquiry about cigarette prices
In what’s being called “a sign that you’re going to be stuck for a while, so you’d better sit down, take a nap, and tell your partner you’ll be back tomorrow,” a French-speaking couple queuing in front of you at a service station have engaged the cashier in a line of questioning about cigarette prices. […]
Little a-hole refuses to acknowledge expat parents’ attempts at Luxembourgish
A 10-year-old who attends public school and was previously dutiful and considerate has turned into a little a-hole, refusing to acknowledge his foreign-born parents’ attempts at Luxembourgish. The little a-hole’s mother Tatiana says she doesn’t know what happened to him, noting that he used to happily assist his parents, whether it was translating a menu […]
5 famous people you didn’t know were Luxembourgish
When you think of famous people from Luxembourg, you probably think of Jean-Claude Juncker or Shakira’s asset manager’s lawyer’s former mistress. But do you know about these other famous Luxembourgers? Marie Antoinette (1755 – 1793) Don’t get fooled just because she was the wife of Louis XVI of France or that her nickname was “the […]
All of woman’s clothes with color fly south for winter
In adherence to the laws of nature, meteorology, and fashion, the entirety of a Luxembourg woman’s set of colorful apparel has begun its annual journey south. The departure occurred on Tuesday morning as post-Schueberfouer chilly drizzle and gray skies signaled the definite end of summer. “Au revoir pink, goodbye turquoise, and äddi canary yellow,” whispered […]
Code red: non-native French speaker pronounces ‘u’ as ‘ou’
What started as a functional yet tense conversation between a customer and a supermarket employee on Friday ended in disaster after the customer pronounced the French “u” like “ou.” Karen Aradóttir, who regularly shops at the Dudelange supermarket, was looking for items for her son’s birthday party including candles, chocolate sprinkles, and lastly, a children’s […]
Caritas Luxembourg unveils new €60-million yacht named ‘Charity’
Finally answering the question “where the hell did all those sixty-plus millions of euros of embezzled money go?” a source for the now mostly defunct Caritas Luxembourg has presented the organization’s latest acquisition: a luxury yacht lovingly named Charity. “You may wonder why we’d need a luxury yacht that’s docked safely away from EU […]
This expat was lightly shamed by a Luxembourger for not being able to speak Luxembourgish, so in his mind he shamed her for making an English grammar mistake
An exchange in English with a Luxembourgish plum jam vendor ended with an expat delving into a pedagogic interior monologue about present tenses in English. The imaginary lesson was delivered after the expat accepted a sample from the vendor at a shopping center. After a brief exchange in English, the vendor said, “You have lived […]
‘Ready, lads?’ Luxembourg man gathers scarves like officer readying troops for battle
Saying the time to prove themselves is now, a Luxembourg man has gathered all of his scarves for a rousing speech before going into the battle that is the chilly post-Schueberfouer weather. The talk was given on Wednesday morning in the man’s bedroom while outside winds pelted the land with cold rain. “Boys, you have […]
‘Honored,’ ‘humbled,’ and other words that are used and abused on LinkedIn
At best, LinkedIn is a land of false modesty, hyperbole, and pretense. At worst, it’s an Orwellian hellscape where words like “humbled” mean precisely the opposite and where everyone is proud, honored, and delighted – all the time. Which words are among the most used and abused? Honored Not too long ago, if someone described […]
Why I drive a safari vehicle even if I’m a 40-year-old office worker
It doesn’t matter if you live in the poshest neighborhood in the capital or a working-class town in the south. You certainly have a neighbor like me who drives a vehicle that looks more suitable for a South African safari guide named Rolph who hasn’t shaved in six days and has fresh buffalo blood on […]