Citing figures provided by STATEC, experts have predicted that the average duration of Luxembourg’s traditional greeting “moien” will grow to an astounding nine seconds by the year 2050. “You don’t need a degree in linguistics, high-tech recording equipment, or an understanding of mathematical modeling to know what’s going on,” said Alan Recher, a researcher in […]
New slide at Auchan for people running down steps to catch tram
In response to hundreds of commuters tripping, stumbling, or comically falling and saying “whoa-hey-whoa” as they run down the steps to catch the tram at the Alphonse Weicker stop, a giant plastic slide has been installed as a safer alternative The 82-meter slide, manufactured locally by Letz Slide using potato resin and recycled beer caps, […]
A silver lining: burglars also steal the kachkéis
In what’s being called proof that every cloud has a silver lining, burglars who broke into a home in Bertrange and stole dozens of items also took a 500-gram tub of kachkéis from the family’s refrigerator. David Cattanach, who left his home for two hours on Saturday with his wife and son to attend the […]
‘A little’ English, lies Luxembourger
A Luxembourgish Post employee who was asked if he spoke English and responded by saying “a little” has told a bald-faced lie, according to witnesses. The fraud occurred on Friday morning when Georgia Panagopoulos visited a Post branch in Luxembourg City. “I wanted a new phone, and I had a lot of questions,” said the […]
Great news: residents who feel too superior for public transport are now invited to approach other passengers and show photos of their expensive cars
In what’s being called a win for the environment, officials have implemented a plan to lure wealthy residents to give up driving in favor of public transport. Under the plan, people who usually refuse to take public transport because they feel it is below them will have special permission to walk around on any bus, […]
Gare drug dealers switch to selling bottled water
Explaining that the decision makes good business sense, a consortium representing Gare-district drug dealers has announced that its 79 members are going to switch to dealing bottled water. “There’s more demand, and the customer base is huge,” explained Gare Dealers United president Stan Don-Korner. “Market reports tell us that 93 percent of neighborhood residents need […]
Understandable: newly born Prince François wasn’t in the mood for photos, so the Court shared a stock photo of a random baby instead
In what is being called a very understandable decision, the Grand Ducal Court has chosen to release a stock photo of an unknown baby instead of an authentic one of Prince François because the newborn wasn’t really in the mood. “Hark, Prince François has been born, and the angels do sing,” said a press release. […]