Teenagers in the Grand Duchy have announced that the COVID-19 pandemic is over, that social distancing is no longer needed, and that they may go back to enthusiastically sharing saliva with each other. “We won,” said a 14-year-old lycée student named Tim. “Finally, I can go back to play-fighting my friends to impress girls and […]
Smart: these parents alternate their mental breakdown days
DIEKIRCH — A couple who struggled to balance working at home, taking care of the household, and totally losing their shit have found a solution: alternating their mental breakdown days. The parents of three children aged six, nine, and 11 say that at the start of the lockdown in mid-March, they began slipping into bouts […]
‘You can thank us with booze,’ say Luxembourg nurses
The thousands of nurses in Luxembourg who are now regarded as heroes say that while they appreciate the kind words from strangers and baskets of fruit, what they’d really like is some booze. “The thank-you card those kids gave me was very touching,” said Silvie, a 29-year-old nurse who works at the CHL. “But what […]
Top 10 ways Luxembourg residents are preparing for deconfinement
The Luxembourg government has announced that steps towards deconfinement could begin within a couple of weeks. What are the top 10 ways residents are preparing to re-enter society? 1. Cleaning off dried soup that’s been stuck to chin for last six weeks 2. Posting sticky notes around home to remind self to cover bottom half […]
Bettel to donate 200,001 of his scarves to help residents cover faces
Admitting that the paper face masks sent to all residents of the Grand Duchy might not last long, Prime Minister Xavier Bettel announced that he’s going to donate 200,001 scarves from his personal collection for residents to cover their mouths and noses. “Oosh voosh oon moosh loosh,” he said at a press conference on Wednesday, […]
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