Fear and confusion broke out across Luxembourg on Wednesday morning after someone sneezed, according to multiple reports. The violent expulsion was first felt by Jonathan Freeland, who was relaxing at a coffee shop on Avenue de la Liberté in the capital. A preliminary investigation failed to determine which of the 15 or so people in […]
Luxembourg man develops terrible cough, immediately goes to gym
A Luxembourg City man who developed a terrible cough on Tuesday acted quickly by rushing to a packed gym. Claude Grover, who works for a local architecture firm, says that going to a warm, stuffy space with 100 people exerting themselves and gasping for air is just the thing to treat whatever he’s got. “Germs […]
‘Pandemic over,’ declare Luxembourg teens
Teenagers in the Grand Duchy have announced that the COVID-19 pandemic is over, that social distancing is no longer needed, and that they may go back to enthusiastically sharing saliva with each other. “We won,” said a 14-year-old lycée student named Tim. “Finally, I can go back to play-fighting my friends to impress girls and […]
Smart: these parents alternate their mental breakdown days
DIEKIRCH — A couple who struggled to balance working at home, taking care of the household, and totally losing their shit have found a solution: alternating their mental breakdown days. The parents of three children aged six, nine, and 11 say that at the start of the lockdown in mid-March, they began slipping into bouts […]
‘You can thank us with booze,’ say Luxembourg nurses
The thousands of nurses in Luxembourg who are now regarded as heroes say that while they appreciate the kind words from strangers and baskets of fruit, what they’d really like is some booze. “The thank-you card those kids gave me was very touching,” said Silvie, a 29-year-old nurse who works at the CHL. “But what […]
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