Citing the need to reopen society as soon as possible before we all lose our minds, an engineer from Luxembourg has developed a vaccination gun capable of delivering 500 shots per minute. “I read that it might take months to get most of Luxembourg vaccinated,” said Jean Wayne, creator of the Vaccinator 2400. “That’s not […]
Couple turn into gelatinous blobs after 1 week with no gym
Unable to work out since their gym was ordered to close last week, a fitness-loving couple from Capellen have turned into blobs of untoned flesh. The two were discovered by their cleaning lady on Wednesday afternoon. At first, the woman mistook them for melted ice cream, but when she attempted to clean up the mess, […]
Doctors remove rental deposit from landlord’s butt
A Luxembourg woman who waited almost a year to get back her rental deposit is celebrating after a team of doctors successfully removed the entire 3600-euro amount from her former landlord’s butt. Alania Clangamora, 29, was surprised when she didn’t get the money back right away after moving out, she says, considering all she ever […]
Breaking: someone sneezed
Fear and confusion broke out across Luxembourg on Wednesday morning after someone sneezed, according to multiple reports. The violent expulsion was first felt by Jonathan Freeland, who was relaxing at a coffee shop on Avenue de la Liberté in the capital. A preliminary investigation failed to determine which of the 15 or so people in […]
Luxembourg man develops terrible cough, immediately goes to gym
A Luxembourg City man who developed a terrible cough on Tuesday acted quickly by rushing to a packed gym. Claude Grover, who works for a local architecture firm, says that going to a warm, stuffy space with 100 people exerting themselves and gasping for air is just the thing to treat whatever he’s got. “Germs […]
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