A Luxembourg woman who waited almost a year to get back her rental deposit is celebrating after a team of doctors successfully removed the entire 3600-euro amount from her former landlord’s butt. Alania Clangamora, 29, was surprised when she didn’t get the money back right away after moving out, she says, considering all she ever […]
Breaking: someone sneezed
Fear and confusion broke out across Luxembourg on Wednesday morning after someone sneezed, according to multiple reports. The violent expulsion was first felt by Jonathan Freeland, who was relaxing at a coffee shop on Avenue de la Liberté in the capital. A preliminary investigation failed to determine which of the 15 or so people in […]
Luxembourg man develops terrible cough, immediately goes to gym
A Luxembourg City man who developed a terrible cough on Tuesday acted quickly by rushing to a packed gym. Claude Grover, who works for a local architecture firm, says that going to a warm, stuffy space with 100 people exerting themselves and gasping for air is just the thing to treat whatever he’s got. “Germs […]
‘Pandemic over,’ declare Luxembourg teens
Teenagers in the Grand Duchy have announced that the COVID-19 pandemic is over, that social distancing is no longer needed, and that they may go back to enthusiastically sharing saliva with each other. “We won,” said a 14-year-old lycée student named Tim. “Finally, I can go back to play-fighting my friends to impress girls and […]
Smart: these parents alternate their mental breakdown days
DIEKIRCH — A couple who struggled to balance working at home, taking care of the household, and totally losing their shit have found a solution: alternating their mental breakdown days. The parents of three children aged six, nine, and 11 say that at the start of the lockdown in mid-March, they began slipping into bouts […]
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