GASPERICH — An avid bodybuilder from Luxembourg City has announced that he’s begun two full days of continuous weightlifting to stock up on muscles before what he believes is an inevitable closure of gyms and fitness centers. “I predict gyms will be closed for eight weeks maximum,” said Dragomir Petrović, 34, his back muscles bulging […]
How to give your woman an orgasm by telling her Auchan still has green tea hand sanitizer in stock
Does your woman love green tea hand sanitizer but fears she won’t be able to get any now that shoppers have begun hoarding again? Give her an amazing orgasm by telling her that Auchan still has some in stock. Don’t rush When it comes to getting her aroused about her favorite antibacterial goo that kills […]
Luxembourg’s douchiest car owners to get special plates with only 3 digits
In a move that will delight Luxembourg’s most obnoxious car owners, the SNCA has announced it will begin offering license plates with only three digits. “We already have number plates with just four digits, and these are highly prized by those men who wash their cars every Sunday and get offended when someone doesn’t compliment […]
A Faustian nightmare: he got to travel back in time to buy a house when the market was better, but now he’s condemned to hang out at City Concorde every afternoon for the rest of eternity
What sounded like the deal of a lifetime has turned into a Faustian nightmare for one Luxembourg man after he made a deal with the Devil to be able to buy a house at the market price of several decades ago. “I was browsing atHome, and I realized I would never be able to afford […]
NASA unable to find signs of life in Luxembourg
After spending nearly four weeks exploring the surface of Luxembourg City and its surroundings, a rover sent by the U.S. space agency NASA has failed to find signs of life here. “We had good reason to believe that there would be life in Luxembourg,” said project head Roberta Desoleet. “Through telescopes we’ve observed the existence […]
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