The owner of a trendy bar in Luxembourg City has responded to an unprecedented complaint about the price of cocktails with, “Yeah, it’s ridiculous, isn’t it?” Damien Bouze says that when he opened his bar three years ago, he had planned on charging fifteen euros for a cocktail, which he thought was already a lot. […]
Chatty banker cannot wait to talk over musicians once venues fully reopen
Luxembourg’s live music scene has been hit hard by the pandemic and fans are chomping at the bit to get back into sweaty halls once more, perhaps none more than Chad Whispersnout. For Whispersnout, the music is a secondary concern, however. Indeed, for the brash American expat, concerts are merely a place where he can […]
Report: Luxembourg must have got shagged over the weekend
A country that had been in a sour mood since November must have been massively shagged over the weekend, sources have claimed. According to colleagues, Luxembourg showed up to work on Monday morning grinning, smelling of passion, and humming the song “Walking on Sunshine.” “Hey, moien, et geet!” Luxembourg said when it threw the office […]
New tour takes visitors around ruins of restaurants
In addition to guided visits of the casemates, ramparts, and other sad ruins, Luxembourg City will now offer guided tours of what were once known as “restaurants.” “Much like today’s McDonald’s drive-thrus and bakeries where you enter one at a time and get out as quickly as possible, these restaurants also served food,” explained VDL […]
Cannibals demand gatherings be limited to 1.5 people
The organization that represents cannibals in the Grand Duchy is speaking out against the government, claiming that it’s “dangerous and irresponsible” to continue allowing gatherings of two or three people. “As we all learned in science class, all you need for virus transmission to occur are two individuals,” said Luxembourg Union of Cannibals president Jean […]
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