Luxembourg Wurst

Knock A Shining Dog

Oops: malfunctioning indexation mechanism gives Luxembourg workers raise of 23,456 percent

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LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Saying “whoa, hey, somebody stop that thing,” Luxembourg government officials stood by helplessly as the mechanism that was developed to automate salary indexation malfunctioned, giving everyone a pay increase of 23,456 percent.  The red-faced officials admitted that although the increase was enormous and would likely bankrupt every employer, there was nothing they could […]

Luxembourg pavilion to remain unfinished to better reflect country

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DUBAI — Planners behind the Luxembourg pavilion at the Dubai 2020 World Expo have decided to leave the site “under perpetual construction” to give visitors a more accurate vision of life in the Grand Duchy.   “We originally planned to complete a beautiful, modern three-story edifice in the shape of a Möbius strip, with a light […]

6 Luxembourgish place names that sound like sex acts*

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Péiteng If you and your partner engage in this, make sure to bring a raincoat and an umbrella. Dikrech  While this might sound like kinky fun, it usually results in an emergency visit to the urologist. Suessem Usually requires at least one participant to make noises suggestive of a vacuum cleaner. Rëmeleng Highly inadvisable, especially […]

Opinion: moien, um, please restructure your administration to meet my linguistic needs

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Moien, bonjour, and guten whatever. Do you speak English? Great, that’s a relief. Um, could you please restructure your administration to meet my linguistic needs? I know, I realize that would require tens of thousands of civil servants to sort of, um, yeah, take one or 10 English courses, a difficult proficiency exam, maybe spend […]

Home burglary fastest growing jobs sector

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The Grand Duchy’s office for unofficial statistics, UNSTATEC, has released new figures showing that home burglary is now the biggest jobs sector, beating out more established ones like sausage farming and orchid sitting.  To local burglars, the report comes as no surprise.  “Luxembourg is full of homes, nice unguarded homes,” said one burglar who last […]