In Europe, it seems that every day is dedicated to some patron saint or another, many of whom suffered a nasty end such as being burned alive, as in the case of Joan of Arc, or being forced to eat riesling pâté until he had terrible indigestion, as in the case of Jempy of Schëffleng.
Few know about the important patron saints who came from right here in Luxembourg, many of them expat saints. Who were these Auslänner, and what sad fates did they suffer?
St. Brandon, patron saint of license-less drivers
St. Brandon failed to swap his driver’s license from his home country for a Luxembourgish one within a year of his arrival. Rather than deal with signing up for driving lessons and taking a test, his fate was to spend the rest of his miserable days in Luxembourg taking public transport or relying on the charity of annoyed friends and colleagues.
St. Agila, patron saint of those forced to wear ill-fitting clothes
This expat saint lived in Luxembourg for a whole six months before she went out shopping for new clothes and discovered that, to her horror, not only are the sizes different here, but so are the cuts. She was condemned to spend the rest of her days wearing trousers, blouses, and skirts that looked truly awful on her.
St. Julio, patron saint of afternoon and late-night eaters
Poor St. Julio. According to scholars, he moved to Luxembourg from a country where most people don’t adhere to strict meal hours, a place where, incidentally, a person can easily find a restaurant open at 3 p.m or even 11 p.m. St. Juilo lived out his 12 years in Luxembourg always hungry because he never adapted to local mealtimes.
St. Zeynep, patron saint of disgruntled shoppers
According to legend, St. Zeynep came from a country where not only do people who work in shops greet you warmly, they actively and sometimes aggressively try to sell you their merchandise, going as far as following you around the shop, answering your questions, and giving you excessive and sometimes weird compliments about your socks. Despite looking for the same treatment during her 20 years in Luxembourg, she never found it, and consequently she spent much of those two decades complaining about the lack of customer service.
St. Drew, patron saint of those who try to prevent friends from driving while drunk
St. Drew’s homeland was a place where a great deal of attention was given to the dangers of drinking alcohol to excess as well as drunk driving. In fact, it was said that in his country, someone who tried to drive while intoxicated would either get tackled by friends, marked as a social outcast, or caught and arrested by police. St. Drew’s fate was to spend nearly every night out during his four years in Luxembourg trying, with little success, to have drunk acquaintances and strangers at bars hand over their keys or take a taxi home.
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Originally published by RTL Today
