While most people know how to maintain relationships with the most effortless of token gestures, others are walking catastrophes of manners who should probably move to Siberia and find a dark cave to live in.
Such is the case with a Luxembourg woman who, two weeks into the new year, still has not managed to send a cheerful, personalized Happy New Year greeting to her closest 248 friends, family members, and professional contacts.
In the early hours of January 1, Ophélie Glass, 35, did send a WhatsApp message to her parents, sister, best friend from home, and even her ex-boyfriend, proving that she is more than capable. Sadly, the heartless, rude billing officer gave up there.
“It’s been two weeks, and I haven’t heard a peep,” said Glass’s second cousin Mandy Reents, who has not admittedly seen Glass since Reents’s wedding eight years ago. “Where are her wishes for my success? Inquiries about my son’s arm that he broke in November? A faux-optimistic comment about the state of the world?”
It is not just Glass’s family members who feel slighted. Her friends have also been stung by the utter failure.
“We were roommates for two whole years in university, and this is the sort of treatment I get?” said Jennae Hochgarten. “I always had a hunch that behind her warm smile, she was frigid, lazy, and unsentimental.”
Hochgarten confirms that with little effort, she managed to send 82 Happy New Year cards to clients, 381 Happy New Year messages to friends and family members, and 192,304 automatically generated Happy New Year emojis to her entire network on social media.
“Like any normal person with a heart that beats and fingers that to tap on a screen,” she said.
