Luxembourg has warned you that a little bit of friendly teasing is fine, but you should not take it too far.
“We’re very open to jokes about the weather, the salaries of bus drivers, and the way people from the north speak,” said Luxembourg. “Also, if you’d like to make fun of the snobs who live in the capital, go ahead – most of them aren’t even from here.”
Luxembourg says that some topics, while perfectly worthy of humor and light criticism, should be approached with caution.
“Traffic, the scarcity of bike lanes, and the difficulty of finding authentic Mexican food are all issues that we are trying to address, but it takes time,” Luxembourg said. “Please think twice before you say anything.”
“Oh, and be gentle with us in regards to the cost of property,” it continued. “We know it’s a huge problem, for Luxembourgers as well, many of whom are forced to move to sad little villages over the border where you can’t even find a decent Mettwurst.”
“And don’t say it’s boring here, because it’s not,” Luxembourg added. “There are many great places to visit and fun things to do, and if you stopped complaining, put down your phone, and looked around, you’d find them.”
Luxembourg sternly cautions that there is one topic which you may never bring up, and that is the size of the country.
“It’s rude and ill-advised to mock someone for something they can’t control, and our total surface area is one of those topics,” Luxembourg said. “Look, we didn’t have a lot of influence or power at the time, and we did our best.”
“You try being surrounded by the Prussians, French, and the Dutch, and see how well you do,” it continued. “You’d probably end up with a country the size of the Vatican.”
“Just for your information, we’re 16 times bigger than Lichtenstein and five-and-a-half times larger than Andorra,” it added. “You could fit 1,300 Monacos inside of us, so we’re not actually that small.”
Luxembourg then turned to leave, content it had covered the most important topics to avoid, before excitedly turning back around.
“Oh, and if you make fun of our traditional food, we’ll kick you in the shins,” it said. “Bean soup is a perfectly respectable dish, as is roasted pork, fried potato cakes, and horse tongue pie, which may not be a national dish, but we wouldn’t be surprised if there were some Luxembourgish farmer near the Belgian border who ate things like that.”
