Saying that they would hate to see their customers do something that might pose a risk to their health, a consortium of European banks has advised account holders to avoid withdrawing cash, which they say is covered in germs.
“We did a study, and it turns out that the average banknote has something like 34 types of bacteria and viruses on it, which is really yucky and gross,” said European Banking Alliance president Guy Saggibum. “Honestly, you should leave your money in the bank so you won’t get ill.”
Saggibum says that if you touch cash, you will bring those nasty bacteria and viruses home and leave them on the refrigerator handle, and then your innocent kid, who only recently stopped wetting the bed, will be exposed.
“Imagine him, your little angel peeking in the fridge for a fun little snack,” he said. “And then bam, it’s the pandemic of 2020 all over again because you lost faith in the banking system.”
“And the bed-wetting will return with a vengeance,” he continued.
Saggibum says that while the warning applies to paper currency, banks also advise against transferring large sums of money out of accounts, saying that even electronic transfers run the risk of spreading viruses.
“Please note, I didn’t use the word contagion,” he added. “No one has said that word. I don’t even know what it means.”
