A newcomer to Luxembourg who publicly expressed a few complaints about relocating and living here has been roundly rejected by the Council of Expats.
The Council, composed of the smuggest transplants who are fiercely proud of the rather mundane fact that they have lived here for a certain number of years, issued the rebuke following an extraordinary session.
“We have convened this meeting to condemn Kathy Trujilllo, who according to a quick look at her social media accounts, has only lived in Luxembourg for seven months,” said Expat Council Supreme Leader Roy Hoss.
“And yet she has the nerve to pass judgment, pass judgment, pass judgment,” said another member of the council, echoing her own words in an attempt to make them sound profound.
“She’s an insult to those of us who publicly express nothing but adoration and gratitude,” said another council member who often brags about having integrated although, in truth, she has only one Luxembourgish friend, spends most of her free time with others from her home country, and has never managed to learn more than nine words in Luxembourgish.
However, the youngest member of the council, a 27-year-old initiate who moved to the Grand Duchy three years ago and was only accepted into the council thanks to a clerical error, meekly asked his fellow cloaked members to reconsider.
“Is it really fair of us to condemn this newcomer when most of us also experienced culture shock, frustration, and a longing for home when we moved here?” he said. “Or maybe you have simply forgotten some of the more unpleasant or uncomfortable things you experienced while getting used to new customs, languages, weather, work culture, and food, which is not easy.”
Expat Council Supreme Leader Roy Hoss lifted his crooked gray finger, pointed at the young member, and hissed.
“How dare you question the judgment of this council,” he said. “We, whose 29 members have lived here for a combined 325 years. Heretical youngling, you are hereby expelled.”
“Out, out, out,” chanted the other members.
In a related story, the Council of Locals, which includes those who moved here at a young age, first-generation Luxembourgers, as well as those whose families first migrated to the Éislek around 5500 BC, issued their own response to Trujillo’s complaints.
“Yes, some of that is true,” they said.