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Luxembourg Wurst

Knock A Shining Dog

Freakish human computer verifies prices at checkout

July 27, 2021

Luxembourg supermarketA Luxembourg shopper has been dubbed a “freak” and a “human computer” after being observed on Tuesday verifying the price of his purchases at a supermarket checkout.

Even as stunned witnesses gasped, Carlos Marques, a customer at a Foetz supermarket, tried to justify his unusual behavior. 

“I thought everybody kept one eye on the cash register display,” he said. “To make sure we’re not being overcharged or accidentally charged twice for one item.”

While some onlookers got on their knees and proclaimed Marques a god of calculation and a master of observation, others described his behavior as unseemly and grotesque.   

“The man’s clearly suffering from serious paranoid delusions,” said one shopper. “If we can’t trust our supermarkets, who can we trust?”

“Obsessive-compulsive,” said another shopper. “It starts with supermarket prices, and before long, you’re double-checking electricity and phone bills like some kind penny-pinching nutcase.”

“And soon your whole world becomes nothing but numbers, you descend into madness, and you end up being an accountant,” agreed another shopper. 

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