NOBODY WANTS TO TALK TO ME ANYMORE BECAUSE THEY ALL THINK I’M SHOUTING AT THEM.
By Wise Expat Sage
DEAR WISE EXPAT SAGE,
I DESPERATELY NEED YOUR HELP. MY CAPS LOCK KEY IS STUCK. NOBODY AT WORK RESPONDS TO MY MESSAGES ANYMORE. PEOPLE ON FACEBOOK BLOCK ME. I WROTE AN EMAIL TO A COMPUTER REPAIRMAN ASKING FOR HELP, AND HE TOLD ME THAT HE WOULD ONLY CONSIDER MY REQUEST IF I STOPPED SHOUTING AT HIM.
I KNOW WE’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SEE PEOPLE DURING THE COVID-19 LOCKDOWN, BUT DO YOU KNOW ANYONE IN LUXEMBOURG WHO CAN FIX MY KEYBOARD?
THANK YOU. (<–EMPHASIS INTENTIONAL)
TECHNOLOGICALLY ILLITERATE IN LUXEMBOURG
I am very knowledgeable about matters like local history, culture, and which supermarkets are open on Sundays, but I’m afraid I don’t know much about broken keyboards. The best I can do is advise you to accept the situation. Why not look on the bright side?
Writing in all caps gives a certain urgency to what you’re saying, like, hey, pay attention. THIS IS IMPORTANT. Given the circumstances of the pandemic, economic ruin, and global lockdown, maybe more caps is just what we need. Perhaps governments should temporarily ban lowercase letters.
Or why not think of all caps as your signature style? Some people do very well with idiosyncratic writing, for example those who intentionally misspell words: “sez” instead of “says,” “LOL” instead of “I’m socially awkward, my communication skills are weak, and I don’t know how to respond to your pathetic attempt at humor, assuming that was your aim,” for example.
Another option is to celebrate your newfound social isolation. No one wants to talk to you anymore. Is that a bad thing? Does anyone these days have any interesting news to report? No. Everyone is bored and boring. Consider yourself lucky.
Okay, okay. I know what you’re really in search of is some technical support, so I’ll do my best. Have you tried holding down the shift key while you type? If that doesn’t work, I’ve got another idea, one that’s a little old-fashioned. Have you tried simply banging really hard on the caps lock key to force it to unlock? Modern keyboards should be strong enough to withstand a little repeated pressure. I’ll give it a try on my own.
GREAT. NOW MY CAPS LOCK KEY IS STUCK TOO. THANKS A LOT. IF YOU FIND A PERSON TO FIX YOUR KEYBOARD, COULD YOU SEND THEM MY WAY?
Wes is a wise expat sage who has lived in Luxembourg for precisely eight months longer than you.
Want to read more? Check out his other responses.