LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — A veritable walking bouquet of delicate flowers has confirmed his status as a pussy by backing down after being challenged to take six months of parental leave.
A visibly anxious Theobald Hausmann, 33, made the announcement to his wife Christina last week after she repeatedly encouraged him to take time off to bond with the couple’s infant son Oscar.
“I’ve only just been promoted to senior counsel,” Hausman said, refusing to look his wife in the eye. “I’m sorry. I just don’t think I can do the stay-at-home dad thing. It sounds really scary. Please don’t be mad.”
On Wednesday, Hausmann was cornered by several other fathers who are currently on parental leave. The group of tough men had taken their children on an outing to a park when they spotted Hausmann returning to his office after a lunchtime boxing lesson.
“Look at the little sissy going back to work,” said one father, lovingly gripping the legs of a toddler sitting on his shoulders. “Why don’t you act like a man, go home, and face fatherhood?”
“Leave him alone,” said another father, gently rocking a stroller to keep his twin babies sound asleep. “He’s too scared of infants. He’d probably cry if he got a little spit-up on his shoulder.”
“What’s the matter, daddy never taught you how to bond with a precious little creature?” said another father, who looked down at his five-month-old daughter wrapped snugly against his chest. “Yes, aren’t you just the lovey dovey of my life.”
“Baby, baby,” the fathers chanted, forming a circle around Hausmann. “You’re scared of a baby.”
Sources indicate Hausman later spent 30 minutes watching video tutorials on how to change diapers and slapping himself in the face in an effort to toughen up. He then bravely filled out the forms to apply for parental leave and went to the post office to send them, but at the last moment he chickened out and instead went with friends to drink beer and watch an action movie.
