On Saturday, the most skilled thieves in Luxembourg were recognized at a glamorous ceremony that left attendees with a sense of awe – and without their wallets.
Among the audience at the Luxembourg Awards for Excellence in Pickpocketing were many of those who have been victimized over the years. Despite their misfortune, they couldn’t help but applaud the talent of those being honored.
One impressed victim recounted how her phone was skillfully snatched while she was on the train from Esch-sur-Alzette to Luxembourg City.
“A man distracted me with a seemingly innocent question about bees and pollination while his friend rummaged through my purse,” she said. “When they both nonchalantly blocked me from leaving and asked if I wanted to exit, I knew I was experiencing true artistry.”
Highlights of the ceremony included an award for Best Use of Distraction, as well as for Masterful Access to Bank Accounts.
“I’m not going to pretend that all we do is easy, but using someone else’s bank card isn’t that hard,” one pickpocket explained. “Most banks don’t even know where their ATMs are.”
In one case, a victim immediately reported the theft of her wallet to both the police and her bank. They quickly discovered that the pickpockets were at that very moment attempting to gain access to her account at a Luxembourg cash machine designated “ATM2.”
However, neither the police nor the bank could pinpoint the location of this mysterious cash dispenser – or felt motivated to take action.
A bank spokesperson explained that using video footage of the thieves in the act of withdrawing cash might constitute a violation of their right to privacy.
“It’s kind of creepy to spy on them, don’t you think?” said the spokesperson. “They’re just going about their work day, just like any of us.”
Many pickpockets who have gone on to successful careers cite the Luxembourg City tram as a vital training ground. Dozens of clubs from the Luxembourg Pickpocketing Federation even hold their weekly training sessions there.
“I’d like to thank the tram passengers for being so supportive of our young people,” said one pickpocketing trainer. “They leave their purses, jacket pockets, and bags unlocked and slightly opened to give our aspiring young pickpockets a chance to develop their skills.”
As the night concluded, attendees checked their pockets in vain, comforted by the knowledge that their losses contributed to recognizing true masters of the craft.
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Contributed by Celestina Chance
