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Luxembourg Wurst

Knock A Shining Dog

Magical elixir? When this man drinks enough alcohol, he can converse with others

November 14, 2023

While it may seem that magic only really exists in the fictional worlds of Harry Potter and Dr. Strange, one Luxembourg expat has discovered an elixir that, when consumed, allows him to perform otherworldly feats.

Andy Blewitt, 29, has discovered that whenever he drinks from goblets of distilled spirits like vodka, whiskey, and rum, he develops the astonishing ability to converse with others – at will.

“In daily life I’m like everyone else: consumed by social anxiety, fearful that my words will be judged, and unable to talk with others without sounding like an AI bot that can only approximate human discourse,” he says. 

However, all it takes is a few sips of his elixir and Blewitt can suddenly float around a room, introduce himself to strangers, and talk to them for short or long periods – all at his command. 

“Take last Thursday, for example,” he says. “I was forced to attend a professional workshop, and afterwards there was a meet-and-greet session, and I really didn’t want to go, but my boss obliged me.”

“I propped myself up in the corner like some kind of fashion boutique mannequin and dreamed about the moment I could sneak away,” he says. “But then I remembered the magical elixir, and after one or maybe five glasses, I was suddenly flying around the room, dropping in on conversations, and entertaining others with my wit and skills as a raconteur.”

The only question that remains: where can we get some of that magical elixir?

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