A newcomer to Luxembourg has apologized for having slipped the tongue to dozens of innocent and unsuspecting people, saying that he misunderstood the concept of greeting kisses.
Tyler Skoby, 22, arrived in Luxembourg two weeks ago to spend the summer with his aunt, who soon after her nephew’s arrival gave a five-minute speech about cultural differences.
“She said, eat with your fork in your left hand. Don’t expect locals to invite you into their homes unless you’ve known them for 20 years. When you meet women and certain francophone men, you need to kiss them two or three times, depending on their origin.”
“Which I found bizarre considering that in my country, you only kiss people you have slept with or intend to sleep with,” he continued. “But it confirmed the stereotype that Europeans are sex-positive libertines who are proud of show off and use every pleasure-giving part of their body – even at casual afternoon gatherings such family BBQs, like the one my aunt brought me to last weekend where I caused a minor scandal, apparently.”
Skoby says he didn’t catch on why people he had only just met seemed to immediately dislike him, even turning away with a look of indignation just moments after greeting him.
“Did I smell bad? Was it something about my face they didn’t like? No, it’s because during our introduction, I jammed my tongue into their mouths two or three times, which I now realize was a faux pas.”
Skoby says he now understands that the correct way to give a greeting kiss is to do so on the cheek.
“What I don’t understand is if I’m still supposed to use my tongue, but the only way to find out is by trying.”