According to a recent study by researchers from the University of Wiltz, non-drinkers love it when others – particularly strangers or someone they’ve just met – demand to know why they don’t consume alcohol.
“For most teetotallers, being able to talk about why they don’t drink is the main reason they don’t drink,” said Lorena Mentirosa, who led the study. “If the person who insists on knowing is your boyfriend’s awful cousin or a gossipy coworker you despise, all the better.”
Local non-drinkers say the findings are accurate.
“I love telling the story about the time I got drunk, crashed my car through the garage, and then puked on my wife who later threatened to leave me if I didn’t give up booze,” said Vincent Gates. “You like that one? That’s just the start. I’ve got more.”
Stay-at-home mother Valerie Kroener says she also loves talking about the reason why she steadfastly avoids alcohol.
“It’s fascinating, really,” she said. “You see, for me, a weekly Friday drink turns into a daily evening drink which becomes what I call ‘mother’s morning juice’ – mostly vodka with some orange juice and grenadine to mask the smell.”
“Here’s where it gets very interesting,” she continued. “Then, all my relationships break down, I start forgetting to pick up my kids, and before long, my life has transformed into a mushy, grey slog.”
“I’d love to tell you more, random person I’ve just met,” she added. “Could we set up a time?”
Tomasz Brzezinski, who has not touched a sip of beer or wine his whole life, says he also derives deep satisfaction from presenting his rationale.
“It goes back to my grandfather Mikolaj who was a bona fide alcoholic and in a drunken rage tried to burn down the house when my mother and her siblings were sleeping,” he said. “Ironically enough, my mother, her two little brothers, and my father went on to ruin themselves with alcohol, so I essentially grew up as an orphan and swore I’d never even try it.”
“Aren’t we having fun?” he added. “Now, how about you tell me the reason you walk funny or why your partner left you?”
