Why the police in Luxembourg provide few details about violent crimes
It is often the case that when a violent crime occurs in Luxembourg, the police release little information, leaving you curious, fearful, and possibly titillated. Many residents want to know the official reasons for this withholding of details. We asked around, and here’s what we were told:
‘Nosey little bugger, aren’t you?’
It’s none of your business what goes on in a house, street, or field in another part of Luxembourg. No one is asking you to disclose what went on in your bedroom three nights ago at 10:30 with all that shouting and banging. (You were assembling an Ikea desk when you saw a spider which caused you to smash your thumb with a hammer, you say? Nice try.)
‘Who do you think you are, John Wick?’
The police often withhold descriptions of a suspect for a reason. Suppose they inform the public that it’s a large man, mid-30s, with a beard and a hat like a pirate. He even goes around with a sword, demanding to know who’s got his booty. Now, imagine that you see this man walking on your street. What are you going to do, play vigilante and swordfight a hardened sailor? Exactly.
‘This isn’t the United States’
Photos of the crime scene. The victim’s personal information. Interviews with crying relatives. Public debates about how to prevent things like this. Televised trials. A 12-episode Netflix series. Yes, that’s all fine and good in the U.S., but this is Luxembourg. We are a discreet people. We judge in silence. Be happy with whatever crumbs you get. The police give the sex of the attacker and the approximate time of the crime. That’s enough.
‘You’re just too gossipy to be trusted’
Imagine that there’s a violent criminal running around your neighborhood and maybe hiding in an abandoned house on your street, and the police tell you. They know how you are. You have a very big mouth. Soon you’ll tell all your friends, and they’ll tell all their friends, and then everyone will know, including the criminal himself who will then flee and evade capture.
‘Mmm, that’s it, nice and slow, baby’
Think of it this way: the police are employing lovemaking techniques as old as time. They want to get you excited, nice and slow. First, they’ll tell you the type of the crime. Oh yeah. Then they’ll tell you where and when. That’s it. You want to know more. You need to know more. Not yet, baby. Now your curiosity’s all hot and bothered. You find yourself wondering, fantasizing. And you remain in that state for three long years until you read in the news one day that a guilty verdict was reached. Still, no details are given, not even the name of the convicted individual! What a letdown. Guess you’ll have to fill in the blanks on your own, using your imagination, as usual.
‘Free transportation, an efficient and multilingual administration, and a triple-A rating’
Did you know that Luxembourg is the only country in the world that has free transportation? Also, the administration is efficient and multilingual. Know that the country has a triple-A credit rating from all the major agencies thanks to its economic stability, strong governance, and low debt-to-GDP ratio. Furthermore, the streets are well maintained, parks are plentiful and safe, and there are many beautiful castles to visit. So there’s that.
