Amid tear-filled apologies, a Luxembourg wife has admitted that for the past 18 months she has been having an affair with Action.
Husband Luca Incornoratscu says he discovered his wife’s clandestine relationship with the discount chain during an unannounced stop at home to pick up some papers he had forgotten.
“I walked into our apartment and heard some funny noises coming from the bedroom, the rustling of plastic and Elizia saying ‘oh yeah, baby, that’s the sweet spot,’” he said.
When Luca ventured into the bedroom, he found his wife removing dozens of items from plastic Action sacks, all of the items in various stages of being unpackaged.
“It’s not what it looks like,” Elizia said, a look of shock and embarrassment overtaking her face. “Well, it is what it looks like. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“A bunch of candle holders that look like Santa’s elves doing yoga?” Luca said. “A two-liter bottle of lavender-scented body soap? A new mop – when we’ve already got one?”
“Please, let me explain,” Elizia said, tears welling up in her eyes. “The candle holders came as a set, and they only cost four euros. The soap, it’s half the price of the 750-milliliter bottles we get at the supermarket, and it’s just as good. The mop was a euro. A euro!”
“Where do you think all our Halloween decorations came from!” she shouted. “And all our table settings!”
Luca’s anger subsided and gave way to feelings of tenderness for his wife, he says.
“Wait, so you’re telling me that bottle of soap cost what, like, three euros?” he said, feeling what he later described as “intense budgetary arousal.”
“Two euro fifty,” said his wife.
According to sources, the heat of the moment subsided when the couple’s adolescent children returned from school. However, sensing that a new, exciting chapter in their private life had begun, they have agreed to weekly, secret lunchtime visits to Action during which they will look for hot deals together.
