It doesn’t matter if you live in the poshest neighborhood in the capital or a working-class town in the south. You certainly have a neighbor like me who drives a vehicle that looks more suitable for a South African safari guide named Rolph who hasn’t shaved in six days and has fresh buffalo blood on his sleeves.
You may disapprove and find my vehicle to be both unnecessary and absurd, especially when I speed through your narrow residential street at 65 kph and almost hit your pet goat, but there are actually very good reasons why office workers like me drive these safari vehicles, even in well-developed Luxembourg.
Navigate difficult terrain
Luxembourg is full of streets. While most of them are safe, some contain dangerous features like speed bumps and roadworks signs. A safari vehicle will help you get over and around these obstacles safely. The same goes for your neighbor’s flower patch, which you never really liked anyway.
A better view
Many safari vehicles offer a clearer view of your surroundings, and indeed some are even open-topped. This means you can see approaching dangers such as groups of unruly toddlers from a creche, wild teenagers on Ve’lohs, or your colleague who missed his bus and now probably wants a ride to the train station, allowing you to escape quickly.
Storage space
Safari vehicles are designed to hold lots of adventure gear and some even have removable seats. Just last weekend, my wife and I bought a set of ten new dining-room chairs. Guess who was able to transport them all in one trip from the designer furniture store? That’s right, me, an owner of a safari vehicle.
Crossing waterways
Safari vehicles have large tires and are designed for allowing safe passage across rivers. One time, it rained so much that my street was covered with two centimeters of flowing water. Cigarette butts and even large insects were being swept away in the dangerous currents. Luckily, I had my safari vehicle so I could drive to Pizza Hut and buy survival food.
Makes a statement
As a 40-year-old office worker, occasionally I feel as though I’m lacking a little in my macho credentials. Driving a safari vehicle shows the world that I’m rugged and brave, and that if for some reason a pack of hundreds of wildebeests came running my way, I could probably outrun them. That’s why some people call me Rolph the safari guide. Well, I call myself Rolph the safari guide, but no one else really does, so feel free! If you see me speeding through your street, just wave and say, “Moien Rolph, you’re looking very adventurous today. Have you just come back from hunting buffalo?” I would appreciate it.
Cedric S. works in an office building overlooking Kirchberg which he likes to imagine is the African savanna and that the cows are wildebeests.
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Originally published by RTL Today
