Dozens of HR officers in Luxembourg have reported getting a six-page CV from a 23-year-old who, it turns out, has never held a job and does not have any real professional experience.
The firms contacted by the applicant, a graduate from a nearby French university, include three of the Big Four, five of the Medium Nine, and 18 of the Small One Hundred.
According to reports, the applicant managed to compose such a long CV by inflating his most insignificant accomplishments and unrelated experience.
“Two pages about his education, including a summary of a presentation he gave in college about the decline of the salamander population in Lorraine,” said HR officer Celine Fischkuch. “He even describes the two weeks he spent on his aunt’s farm in Alsace in 2019 as work experience.”
“He says, ‘Distributed food to chickens in a timely manner, ensured their well-being, conducted a weekly headcount, and was responsible for verifying that the chicken coop was secured in accordance with instructions.’”
The applicant claims on his CV that he speaks English, which also turned out to be an exaggeration, as one HR officer learned when she called the applicant in for an interview just for fun.
“I doubt he understood any of the questions we asked him, and he kept calling me ‘frau’ and saying ‘Sorry, I don’t … verstehe,’” she said. “It was so much fun watching him suffer, we canceled lunch and kept him in the interview all day.”
Despite the applicant’s wild embellishments and total unsuitability for any of the positions for which he applied, many HR staff believe he might have a bright future ahead of him if he switches from accounting and financial services to something more suitable.
“He would make an excellent lawyer, and we can see that he would be great at drafting absurdly long contracts,” said one recruiter. “If he had a law degree, we wouldn’t be mocking him, we’d be fighting to get him.”