Luxembourg Wurst

Knock A Shining Dog

Gëlle Fra melts

LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — With temperatures across the Grand Duchy soaring to unprecedented highs, Luxembourg’s most iconic figure has melted, according to observers. Gëlle Fra, who usually stands proudly over Place de la Constitution, was observed slouching yesterday morning, and by the afternoon her face had drooped so much that she was scarcely recognizable. Many residents say […]

Place d’Armes orchestra ‘amazing,’ say toddlers dancing in front of stage

LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — A municipal orchestra that played in Place d’Armes last weekend was “amazing,” according to a group of toddlers whose parents allowed them to dance in front of the stage. “This is the best show I’ve seen since Maman took me to see [French children’s singer] Chantal [Goya],” said two-year-old Luc Barraud, who for […]

Juncker video confirms rumors that Earth is spinning wildly out of control

For years, conspiracy theorists have claimed that our planet’s rotational speed has been rapidly increasing, and yet while most people scoffed at the idea, new evidence suggests the conspiracy theorists might be right. On Wednesday, video footage was released of former Luxembourgish politician and current European Commission president Jean-Claude Juncker at a meeting with world […]

Luxembourg teachers would like to know how many wurst parents want for next year’s Schoulfest

Saying that these things need to be planned far in advance, teachers all around the Grand Duchy have begun distributing sausage order slips for next summer’s annual Schoulfest. “Please tell us if you want a Mettwurst, a Grillwurst, or a cutlet,” wrote Sylvie Baum, a cycle 2 teacher from Mamer, in a letter to parents […]