LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Commuters heading into the capital city on Monday were filled with rage after seeing a woman dressed in bright colors, according to several choleric witnesses.
At least six train passengers glared at the woman and wished “serious bodily harm” upon her. A further 10 passengers crossed their fingers in hopes that someone would spill burning hot coffee on her neon pink coat. Later at the Gare, nearly everyone the woman passed gave her dirty looks and uttered curses in their regional dialects.
“I was getting along just fine, wallowing in the misery of my long commute on this awful cold and grey morning, when this flamingo got on the train and totally ruined my melancholy,” said IT help desk officer Luc Poutily. “Lucky for her we arrived when we did, because a whole bunch of us were plotting to throw her off the moving train.”
“There should be laws against that sort of antisocial behavior,” said loan officer Camille Baumgartner, 25, who wears only black from October through April. “Hello, it’s the end of November.”
One man who was begging for money on Avenue de la Gare even refused the coins the woman was about to give him, instead turning away and shouting that he had been blinded.
Sources report that the amount of negative energy that followed the woman as she boarded a Findel-bound bus was so great that it provoked an overload of the electrical system, causing the vehicle to break down on the motorway and forcing relieved passengers out into the frigid air and colorless skies to wait for rescue.