Saying they need a nation-branding slogan that speaks more to young people, Luxembourg has decided to rebrand itself with a new slogan: “Luxembourg: satellites, sex, and drugs.”
“Technically, it’s not untrue,” said one source from deep within the secretive world of nation-branding. “We’ve got SES Astra, which operates God knows how many satellites. Satellites are freaking cool, man, high-tech space-bots orbiting Earth, sending signals and stuff, going beep-beep-beep.”
“As for sex, I daresay we engage in it as much as the next country, if not more so because we’ve got to keep ourselves from focusing on the weather,” the source continued. “Also, we’ve got the money for quality organic food and expensive gym memberships, which means we have tremendous stamina in bed.”
“As for drugs, well, we’ve made international headlines for legalizing Señor Cannabis,” he added. “And anyone in the city knows you’ve got a veritable open street pharmacy every night near the Gare.”
Experts agree that while the previous slogan “Let’s make it happen” is very solid and does sum up the dynamism and optimism of the country, it does not do enough to attract young workers, entrepreneurs, and innovators.
“We need to get the attention of smart, hard-working 20-somethings with no kids as of yet, and we have to address them, speak their language,” said local branding expert Nellie Wokenbrod. “These kids love sci-fi and video games, and they’re all on Tinder and smoking joints every weekend anyway.”
