Alania Clangamora, 29, was surprised when she didn’t get the money back right away after moving out, she says, considering all she ever did in the one-bedroom apartment in Esch was sleep and eat microwavable soup.
“I sent the landlord tons of emails and even a letter from my brother-in-law, who’s a lawyer,” she said. “Granted, he lives 9000 kilometers away, but still.”
The landlord claimed that he first needed to verify the electricity charges, Clangamora says. Months later, he concocted a story about needing to send for a psychic healer from Australia to clear out the bad energy she’d left in the flat.
“Then he totally cut off communication,” Clangamora said, “even after I sent him a video of me singing a song I wrote called ‘Give me back my money, ya tight bastard.’”
Clangamora’s anger subsided after she got a call from the landlord’s son, who apologized about the delay and explained that the landlord was in hospital in Paris to get the rental deposit surgically removed from his butt. Two days later, Clangamora got her money back.
Dr. Juniper Berrie, who led the six-person surgical team, describes the case as one of the worst she’s ever seen.
“The entire sum of money was really jammed up there,” she said. “It was pushing against his lungs, making it hard for him to breathe, which explains why he only ever spoke in monosyllabic grunts.”