A local mental health expert has issued a warning to parents against trying to understand what a so-called ‘vsco girl’ is.
“Is it a real trend, an ironic trend, or an anti-trend?” said Dr. Frederic Hoffman. “There’s no way of knowing, so don’t waste your precious brain juice on it.”
When asked to give her opinion on the matter, a local 13-year-old girl says that vsco girls are easy to understand and represent the future of humankind, adding they’re perfect in every way.
“A vsco girl goes around saying ‘sksksksksk’, and you’ll find her wearing a long t-shirt, scrunchies, and a shell necklace, and she carries in her backpack a reusable metal straw because she’s very concerned about sea turtles,” she said. “Oh, and she never goes anywhere without her Hydro Flask and her checkerboard Vans.”
“Sksksksksk” she added.
When presented with the description at a meeting of concerned parents, Dr. Hoffman called it “poppycock” because it applies to nearly every adolescent girl, and it sounds like an amalgam of every major fashion trend including hippie, skater, and prep.
“If it’s everything, then it’s nothing,” he said.
“But what about that weird noise they make?” said one concerned parent. “Is there a problem with their tongues? And does a ‘vsco girl’ only care about turtles, or is she also worried about dolphins, otters, and other aquatic life harmed by plastic? And can’t scrunchies also find their way into rivers and oceans? And isn’t a Hydro Flask nothing more than a reusable water bottle?
“Stop right now,” Dr. Hoffman said. “These thoughts will only lead you in circles. In a worst-case scenario, your neurons will short-circuit, your brain will catch fire, and your head will explode.”