LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — A weak and dramatic man has succumbed to man flu, several women close to him have derisively reported.
It was two weeks ago when a local resident named Mark, whose last name is being withheld at the request of embarrassed women in his family, began to report symptoms of the imaginary disease.
When Mark asked his partner Agnieszka to feel his forehead, she knew right away he was just seeking attention.
“He was suffering from what we non-men describe as a cold,” Agnieszka said.
Mark’s theatrics only increased, Agnieszka says, and within a day he’d given himself a fever and made his face pale. After a week of putting up with Mark’s childish behavior, she took him to the hospital just so he’d shut up.
Triage nurse Viviane Breck knew in an instant that Mark was just being silly, she says. Still, she was careful not to call his bluff.
“When a man’s got man flu, you’ve got to be delicate,” she said. “If you question him, or diagnose him as being a little drama queen, he’ll just cry and demand a bunch of pointless exams, and before you know it he’s scheduled for emergency surgery and half the hospital staff are running around in circles for him.”
“So I called him a brave soldier, patted his head, and gave him a magic pill to make it all better,” she said. “Of course it was nothing but a sugar tablet, but placebos are the best treatment for man flu.”
Despite getting his fifteen minutes of undeserved care, at home Mark continued to moan, insisting on seeing a specialist.
“He was really taking the act too far,” Agnieszka said. “He stopped getting out of bed in the morning, even when he had to pee. He gave up eating and drinking water.”
In the end, that’s what led to Mark’s demise, says Marie-Laure, the couple’s friend and longtime neighbor.
“Sure, if you stop consuming fluids and start losing consciousness just to get everyone’s sympathy, certainly it will have consequences on your health,” Marie-Laure said.
At his funeral, Mark’s younger sister Lizzie delivered a heartfelt eulogy in which she lamented her brother’s male weakness but praised his almost convincing acting, and asked everyone in attendance to remember Mark’s final, overly dramatic words.
“Oh, ugh, I feel really awful Lizzie. I don’t think I’m going to make it.”