In a ritual that has existed since time began in Luxembourg or at least since the 1980s when the fund industry was launched and outsiders in suits began relocating here, a group of elder expats have held a ceremony to pass on the sacred knowledge to a younger expat.
The secrets were bestowed upon researcher Clara Franco, who moved to Luxembourg in November with her four-year-old son Hugo, at a midnight ceremony over the weekend.
The Giver of the Information was grandmistress Ulrika Westholm, who has attained the rank of sixth-degree expat sage. Westholm moved to Luxembourg in 2001 and understands everything about life here despite having only picked up 19 words of French, four of Luxembourgish, and half a word of German.
“Since moving to Luxembourg, Clara Franco has been active on expat Facebook forums, searching for useful information and advice,” Westholm said, her head covered in a black hood. “Yet in her heart she seeks more than the best international school, affordable salons to get her hair done without going broke, and how long one must wait to get reimbursed for medical expenses.”
“She seeks the sacred knowledge,” Westholm added, removing her hood.
The elders sat in front of a portrait of merchant Henry Blackwell, the earliest self-described expatriate in Luxembourg who settled here in 1861 after getting lost on his way to Paris to buy naughty lingerie for his mistress.
“Stand before us and bathe in the accumulated knowledge of hundreds of expats whose souls now join us,” Westholm said.
She then read aloud the Secrets of Settling In which were written in fake blood on a sheet of A4 printer paper.
While most of the secrets cannot be revealed, some of the lesser ones are how to get a document notarized almost for free, how to secure a slot at the INL during the five-minute enrollment period when classes fill up, and the location of the secret spot where mothers go in the middle of the night to exchange children’s clothes.
Crémant de Luxembourg and savory nibbles from a local traiteur were then served. The nibbles were said to be delicious, according to several group members. The group member who brought the food, herself a third-degree expat sage, noted that she knows the best place for catering but that the name must not be shared.
Observers from the many expat forums that Franco frequents have noted that now, instead of asking questions, she gives answers.
“It’s as if she has gone through a religious conversion,” said one amateur expat who, unknowingly to him, will never be called to stand before the group of elders due to his sheer obnoxiousness. “Whereas she was once confused and frustrated, she is now all-knowing and serene.”
“What’s kind of strange, though, is that occasionally she shares information only to delete it minutes later as if she’s being watched over by some shadowy organization that does not want her to divulge too much,” the young man said.
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Originally published by RTL Today
