Saying the only way to release the pent-up stress in the country is by creating a national holiday during which all crimes and antisocial behavior are permitted, Luxembourg officials have announced a yearly “purge.”
Called Luxem-Purge in honor of the movie franchise that popularized the concept of an annual night of lawlessness, the event will last for 12 hours, from sunset to sunrise.
“We want people in this country to act on their darkest, most primal desires,” said Tanya Fischbach, head of the Office of Holidays and Special Events. “The sorts of things they wouldn’t even tell their therapists.”
“The only difficulty is choosing a date because the calendar is already cluttered with public and bank holidays, events, festivals, fairs, and birthdays of monarchs,” she added. “Maybe we can get rid of the Duck Race and put Luxem-Purge in its place.”
“Some of the stuff you will see is going to scare the hell out of you, even for the bravest among you who come from a big city and scoff at the crime and delinquency in Luxembourg.”
Among the wild, animalistic behavior Fischbach says we can expect: not signaling at junctions, parking in delivery zones, and jumping queues at bakeries.
“Drivers going 10 kilometers above the speed limit, bankers wearing beige suits, and people not cleaning up after their dogs poop on the sidewalk,” she continued. ”Not holding doors for people behind you. Refusing to flush in a public toilet. Completing multiple transactions at a cash machine while showing a sick and twisted disregard for those standing behind you.”
“Madness, chaos!” she added.
However, some residents say they do not see the reason for a Luxem-Purge.
“I already do that stuff,” said Bettembourg resident Lowell Steppenwolf. “All of it, each day, usually before lunch.”