• Expats
  • Grand Duchy of Luxembourg
    • Real Estate
    • Transportation
    • Luxembourg City
    • Politics and Government
    • Education
    • Luxembourgish Customs
    • Luxembourg History
    • Royal Family of Luxembourg
    • Finance and Banking
    • Business
  • Languages
    • Luxembourgish
    • French
    • German
  • Workplace
  • Leisure and Lifestyle
    • Holidays and Events
      • Schueberfouer
      • Christmas Market
      • Bazar International
    • Dining and Nightlife
    • Shopping
    • Parenting
    • Health
    • Luxembourg Wurst Magazine
    • Interviews and Profiles
    • Opinion
      • Wise Expat Sage
  • Greater Region
    • Belgium

Luxembourg Wurst

Knock A Shining Dog

Earliest overpriced Luxembourg property discovered 

March 17, 2022

A team of archeologists from the University of Wiltz have discovered what is probably the earliest overpriced home in Luxembourg City: a small Neanderthal cave dwelling that was certainly worth far less than the asking price, they say.

The cave, located in Cents, was discovered last year. Inside were the 50,000-year-old remains of a male and female Neanderthal, say the researchers.

“We are quite certain that the male was a prehistoric property agent, based on the remnants of grease we found on his skull, grease that he used to confidently slick back what must have been thick, healthy Neanderthal hair,” said team leader Jonas Hoffman. “We also found pointy, Mediterranean-style shoes on his Neanderthal feet, which we assume were fashionable at the time.”

“Inscribed on the wall near him were the cave dimensions that he showed to potential buyers, dimensions which were greatly exaggerated,” Hoffman added. “The diameter looks nowhere near the length of 24 ibex horns, as he claimed, more like 15 or 16.” 

Hoffman and his team believe that the female remains belonged to a Neanderthal cave-seeker, one who had relocated to the area and was becoming increasingly desperate because of the scarcity of available caves.

“The very skeletal structure of her brow is arched, as if she permanently wore an expression on her face that said, ‘Are you kidding me? 110 seashells, 12 bear hides, and nine satchels of deer jerky for this shitty cave?”

Hoffman suggests that the property agent was trying to demonstrate the sturdiness of the cave and probably slapped the walls too hard, causing the entrance to collapse, trapping the two Neanderthals inside forever. 

“This is pure speculation, but one can imagine that even after the two realized they would perish in the cave, the agent continued trying to make a sale,” Hoffman said. “He probably kept telling the woman that if she liked the place, she should act now because there was a wealthy Homo sapiens couple from the south of France that had also visited and were ready to make an offer.”

Luxembourg Wurst t-shirts and hoodies on Amazon

Check out our archives of 700+ articles, enough to make your eyes bleed!

Filed Under: Featured Article, Real Estate

Follow the Wurst

Follow the Wurst FacebookFollow the Wurst Twitter
Luxembourg Wurst t-shirts and hoodies
Luxembourg woman time travels

Oh no: friend traveled back in time to buy house at 1998 price, but now she won’t stop singing Backstreet Boys and trying to send everyone messages via AIM

Long CV resume zero experience

Dozens of Luxembourg companies report getting 6-page CV from applicant with zero actual experience

Asshole Luxembourg driver

For a good cause: this guy speeds through residential neighborhoods to raise awareness for how much of a fucking asshole he is

Corporate storyteller Luxembourg

Corporate storyteller thought he was meant to tell stories about corporations

About the Luxembourg Wurst

Disclaimer

Contact Us

Luxembourg Wurst © 2023