Following a string of interesting but failed inventions such as self-drying umbrellas and high heels with removable heels for when the wearer needs to sprint for a bus, a local inventor has come up with another idea that may be too outlandish for Luxembourg.
“I’m calling it a fountain, although it’s not a fountain in the classical sense, not like the Trevi Fountain, because mine would be smaller,” said Dim Witte. “At this fountain, thirsty people could drink water—for free.”
Among the names the crazy-eyed visionary has considered for his wild creation is Fountain for Drinking Water, Fountain of Free Water, and Public Fountain for the Quenching of Thirst and Prevention of Dehydration.
Enthusiasm for the idea among locals is non-existent, with many calling it nonsense, insisting that it would only lead to confusion, chaos, and even economic ruin.
“You’d need to hire someone, a guard or something, to make sure that each person only consumes the water that they desire at that moment,” said one lifelong resident. “If not, people will come from all around with their bottles and jugs, and the queue will be enormous.”
Another resident expressed worry that people may try to use the small fountain of water for unhygienic purposes.
“Suppose someone tries to take a shower in it,” said another resident. “Or maybe give their gerbil, bird, or another pet a bath? That would be disgusting.”
“My great-aunt Matilde once drank water from a public free-water dispenser during her travels overseas in the 1980s,” he added. “She never made it back.”
At least one expert has warned of the potentially calamitous economic impact of the invention.
“Think about the tens of thousands of people in Luxembourg who spend three euros on a 330-milliliter bottle of water once, twice, or even three times a day when they grab a sandwich, fill up their cars, or attend a spinning class,” said University of Wiltz professor Henri Glume.
“If this fountain thing gets approved and built, shops will close, restaurants will have to fire staff, the economy will collapse, and we’ll probably see the return of cannibalism.”
