LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Complaining that the mythical half-fish, half-woman Melusina is always represented as mostly woman, a group of local fish are demanding an end to depictions of her that aren’t “anatomically correct.”
On Tuesday afternoon, at least 20 fish gathered on the banks of the Alzette in the Grund near a statue of Melusina where they lodged their complaints to joggers, tourists, and anyone who was able to make sense of their fish gurgling.
“So her DNA is 50 percent one of you, 50 percent one of us, yet for some reason she always looks like a lady who stepped out of an underwear advert, and where are her fish parts?” said an angry perch who organised the protest. “And don’t tell me she’s got a tail, because that thing is barely noticeable.”
“Why does she even have breasts when we have neither the need nor the ability to produce milk for our offspring?” said a trout that had swum all the way from a stream near Echternach. “It’s a disgrace. Give the poor guppie some gills. Put a fin on her back.”
“What Melusina needs is a nice set of hard, reflective scales, all over her body,” said one pike who has lived in the Alzette since 2015. “Get rid of her hair, and as for her eyes, they belong on the sides of her head, just as nature intended.”
By evening, the protesting fish disbanded, with several believing they had made their point and others suddenly captivated by a swarm of insects that began to hover near the surface of the water.