A real estate agent in Luxembourg-ville met an unfortunate end on Thursday after his company advertised showings for a three-bedroom, 105-square-meter house — for an astoundingly low price of 765,000 euros.
Within minutes of the ad being posted, a mob of slobbering, rabid potential buyers showed up, demanding to know where to sign the papers but mauling the realtor before he could answer.
The mob of 50 to 60 people, consisting mainly of lawyers, tax specialists, IT consultants, and auditors, then went on to devour the poor agent — who, as it turned out, was only covering for a colleague who had come down with the flu.
When more ravenous buyers showed up and saw blood, the whole mass broke out into a frenzy, each hissing and screaming that he or she was first in line and had already secured a loan, and dozens of buyers began gnashing and gnawing on the building’s foundations.
The house, which only three years prior had been lovingly restored by a retired couple who wanted to sell it “at a decent price to a deserving family,” partially collapsed and sixteen hopeful buyers were injured.
“The real estate market in Luxembourg is a dark, dangerous jungle where Darwin’s law is the only law, not some cutesy little playground for toddlers with a lot of soft foam things to climb on,” said local property market survival expert Michel Kittinzlitter.
“Never, ever, post an advertisement for such a great deal, always ask for much more than you want,” he said. “Otherwise, you accept the risk of being attacked and eaten.”
“This poor estate agent’s company should have known better than to advertise a three-bedroom house, in the city, for less than a million,” he continued. “They even wrote in the ad that it had a private garden, a two-car garage, that it was just meters from major bus lines, and that it had an A energy rating.”
“What kind of sick person does that sort of thing?” he added.
This is the second such incident this year. In March, an elderly Luxembourgish pensioner who wanted to sell a studio apartment in Kirchberg for a paltry 300,000 euros received so many calls right after he placed his ad that his mobile phone caught fire and exploded.