FUERZWEILER – A farmer from the east of the country has found – and detonated – a fart that was buried in his gut during the Second World War.
“My mother was busy working as a laundry maid for German soldiers, and my father was in a prison camp somewhere,” said Jacque Pupenmann, aged 86. “So my elder sister, bless her incomeptent heart, was tasked with making the sauerkraut, an inexpensive item we regularly consumed.”
“Fermenting cabbage is something most people can do drunk and blindfolded, but somehow she managed to mess it up,” he said. “Either she fermented it too much or not enough, or maybe it wasn’t cabbage at all, which would explain why it looked like old socks.”
“There I was, a hungry boy who had to choose between eating just a tiny boiled potato, or a tiny boiled potato with a heaping side of stinky, rotten – something,” he continued. “I opted for the latter.”
That evening, Pupenmann says, he sensed a bubbling in his belly, and his gut felt as if it had been pumped with air from a compressor.
“When I told my mother, she ordered me to hold it in, as she didn’t want to attract the attention of the Gestapo who were on the lookout for saboteurs making homemade bombs,” he said. “Which is what I had done, in a way.”
“So I gritted my teeth, tightened my belt, and I made a promise that no matter what, that fart was going to stay buried,” he continued. “Now, all these years later, I discovered it, and I decided to set it free.”
“No wonder I was in a bad mood for most of my life,” he added.