LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Officials in the Grand Duchy have made an emergency declaration that effective immediately, today is cancelled.
The main reason for the cancellation is a combination of bad weather and high levels of malaise, the danger of which increases tenfold when the combination occurs on this day of the week.
“A rainy Tuesday contains all of the misery of a rainy Monday without the novelty of it being the first day of the week,” said emergency communications officer Fernanda Lopes. “And it’s not like you can get through the day by thinking of all the cool things you did over the weekend, because those memories have already faded into dim recollections.”
“Go home, fix something warm to drink, and take a nap,” she said. “Or watch season three of your preferred television series. I don’t care. The important thing is that all serious activities cease right away.”
An expert in economics and crapology from the University of Wiltz has applauded the decision, saying today would be better spent at home.
“The meager economic benefits of being out today are simply not worth the extreme psychological costs,” said Dr. Ernest Poos, still suntanned from his trip to Spain three weeks ago. “You should hunker down, lick your emotional wounds, and recharge your juju so you’ll be able to confront tomorrow, which could be just as crappy, with a renewed vigor.”