Frustrated by the majority of drivers who slow down when approaching a radar only to speed up moments later, Luxembourg officials have developed a new mobile camera that will chase drivers until they eventually break the speed limit and can be issued a fine.
“Each of these little babies is equipped with racing tires and a 1.4-liter turbocharged four-cylinder engine,” said police spokesperson Marco Trausch. “That’s 155 horses.”
“We give them enough juice to follow a car all the way from Remich, up to Clervaux, and back down to just over the Belgian border near Petange where the road suddenly gets all bumpy.”
Trausch says that traffic officials know the truth, that literally everyone speeds – except for that old guy in the green 2016 Volkswagen Golf you got stuck behind last Monday. But he’s an outlier, Trausch insists.
“Everyone else completely ignores posted limits,” Trausch said. “The easiest thing for everyone is to not slow down when you see a camera. Continue speeding, get photographed and ticketed, and pay the fine like a good citizen.”
“Don’t make us send this little guy after you, because we will,” he continued. “And don’t think he’s going to go away just because you’ve gone home for the evening.”
“I swear to God, he will wait outside your home all night. And the second you leave in the morning, he’ll be stuck to your ass like a Battin beer label you’ve absentmindedly removed and pasted to the bar table because all your friends are talking about housing prices again.”
Trausch warns that while drivers might be tempted to use their cars to run over and crush the new mobile speed cameras, they should think twice.
“Are these babies armored?” he said. “You bet your sweet ass they are.”
“Are they armed?” he added. “Maybe not right now, but we’re giving it some serious thought.”