STRASSEN — Proving again that Luxembourg is no longer the bastion of safety and order it once was, a man attacked two strangers on Sunday by attempting to talk to them in a supermarket elevator.
“It’s busy today, huh?” said the attacker to two other shoppers as the elevator slowly descended.
The female shopper nervously looked at her shoes, and the male shopper fixed his eyes on the panel of buttons, willing the elevator to go faster.
“That’s why I usually avoid coming here on Sunday mornings,” the attacker continued.
The female shopper reached for her phone and wondered if she should call her husband or the police. The male shopper scanned his cart for a weapon, finally grabbing a stick of spicy chorizo.
“Not that Saturdays are much better,” the attacker added.
Panic struck the female shopper as she realized her photo battery was dead. Meanwhile, the male shopper sharpened his improvised sword with a car key.
“Best to buy food during the week.”
The female shopper tried to remember a self-defense technique that involves breaking an assailant’s arm and kicking him between the legs. The male shopper closed his eyes and silently asked for forgiveness for what he was about to do.
“I don’t have that option, of course, not with my work schedule.”
The female shopper dropped into a defensive posture. The male shopper raised his weapon, but at long last the elevator doors opened. The victims ran with their purchases into the parking garage.
“It was nice talking to you,” the attacker shouted after them.